


Lost in a World I Knew

by thingswaitingtobewritten



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Attempted Sexual Assault, Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Gay Zuko (Avatar), Gen, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, More tags to be added, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, very briefly mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:53:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28180470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingswaitingtobewritten/pseuds/thingswaitingtobewritten
Summary: Modern AU - After a fight with Ozai sends Zuko fleeing across the country, he runs to the one person he can think of. Sokka. Once he arrives at his destiation, Zuko is left struggling with the consequences of his and Ozai's actions.Sokka is in the midst of dealing with his grief from his girlfriend's death nearly a year ago and Zuko showing up at his door leaves with him complicated feelings.Will they eventually learn to let each other in?
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 116
Kudos: 288





	1. Run boy run

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first atla fanfic, so I'm a bit nervous about posting it, but I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> The title of the fic is from the song Hear Me Roar by NerdOut (which is a song based on Zuko's character arc) and the chapter title is from the song Run Boy Run by Woodkid

Zuko furiously wiped away the tears from his eyes with his left hand, his right wrist still throbbing from where it had been mercilessly twisted until it had popped. It was probably broken, the thought of which brought fresh tears onto his cheeks and a sob that tore at his raw and bruised throat. 

_ Get a hold of yourself, _ he thought,  _ Imagine what Azula and father would say if they could see you now.  _

But they couldn’t see him now, which was the whole point of frantically shoving everything he could fit into his backpack and taking off in his beat-up sedan. He’d had no plan, only the overwhelming feeling of urgency to get out of the city as fast as possible. It was only when he left the state that he began to realize just how stupid of an idea this was. 

Zuko had nowhere to go, no money besides the two hundred dollars of cash he’d stolen from Azula, and no phone. He had chucked it out the window of his moving car once he had remembered that Ozai often used phones to track people down. Granted, those people were normally criminals, but Zuko didn’t see his father having any qualms about filing (or not filing) for a warrant to track his own son. That was one of the perks of being the chief of the Los Angeles police department, not many people dared challenge the more questionable things done on the job. 

So now Zuko was phone-less on the side of a random highway in a different state with no way of knowing where he was going or how long it would take to get to anywhere near civilization. At the moment he was in the middle of the Arizona desert, so his best bet was to try and find his way to Phoenix and then figure out something from there. 

Luckily, Zuko happened to have maps of all of the states. Uncle Iroh had given them to him when he’d gotten his driver’s license four years ago, saying something along the lines of, ‘you never know when you’ll need them most until you do’. Zuko had never needed them before, but now he was eternally grateful that he’d kept them. 

He ended up having to drive a bit more down the highway in order to find a sign that would tell him where the hell he was, but Zuko ended up finding his rough location on the map and could consequently map his way to Phoenix. Thank goodness for being in the Boy Scouts. 

Another stroke of luck, Zuko happened to have his boxing gear in his trunk, which meant that he had a couple of snacks and he could wrap his wrist with a hand wrap which was better than nothing and at least kept it feeling secure. 

With that, Zuko got back into his car and drove off, trying to put as much distance between him and LA as possible. 

*******

Well, after many wrong turns, double-backs and swears, Zuko had made it into Phoenix. He felt his anxiety rise as he drove around, partially because of the unfamiliarity and partially because now that he was back in civilization, there was more chance of being spotted. 

Spotted by whom, he didn’t know, but by now, six or so hours after his confrontation with his father, Ozai was bound to be looking for him. Maybe he hadn’t figured out yet that Zuko had left the city, but Zuko wasn’t going to underestimate his father. Not again, not ever. 

He pulled into a Walmart parking lot near the edge of the city and tried to think about what to do next. He needed to get as far away from LA as possible, but where would he go? He didn’t have anyone left. Zuko hadn’t spoken to Uncle in over three years, he had no idea where he might be. For all Zuko knew, Iroh was out of the country or maybe even dead. 

Zuko ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, then winced when he found a bump on his temple. He didn’t remember hitting his head, which probably wasn’t a good thing, but his fight with Ozai and the subsequent hours were so charged with emotion that they were all a haze. What stood out loud and clear was that Zuko could no longer stay in that house if he wanted to live. 

Unwelcome tears started to well up in his eyes again, but he shook them away.

_ Real men don’t cry Zuko.  _ His father’s voice echoed in his ears. 

_ Crybaby, crybaby! _ Azula’s taunting, singsong voice joined it.

“Shut up!” Zuko shouted into the silence of his car, his voice cracking, sending a shock of pain through his mistreated throat. He shuddered when he remembered the feeling of an arm pressed firmly against it, gasping for air but having none reach his lungs. The pure desperation he felt when black dots began to cloud his vision, the details of Ozai’s furious face starting to blur away. 

He shook himself, pushing down the feelings until he felt the familiar numbness of nothing and then took a deep breath. 

_ I need to get a hold of myself. I can’t fall apart, I need to keep going and figure stuff out. _

Zuko grabbed a hoodie from his backpack and slipped it on, keeping the hood over his head. He grabbed a hat as well, to hopefully obscure his face as much as possible before getting out of the car and walking into the Walmart. 

The parking lot was dimly lit and he was wary of every lurking shadow. Ozai had friends everywhere, an army of cops ready to do his bidding. At this point, that bidding would most likely be to murder Zuko and frame an innocent person for it. Similar things had happened before, it could happen again. 

Zuko could see the headlines now, ‘Chief of LAPD mourns son lost in senseless violence, swears to make the city a safer place for all families’. 

The store was thankfully very near empty other than the tired staff. He grabbed some food that he could eat without cooking anything, some painkillers, a blanket and a wrist brace to add on top of the hand wrap on his right wrist. He also grabbed a map of Phoenix and then quickly made it back to the relative safety of his car. 

He made a quick game plan for the next day, which involved finding a public library for internet access, then lay down uncomfortably in his back seat and tried to get some sleep.

*******

The next morning even more aches and pains made themselves known, whether they were all from Ozai or simply from sleeping curled up in the back seat of a car, they were all unappreciated. 

Zuko went back into the store for a quick bathroom break and bought an iced tea as well because he felt bad using the facilities without buying anything. Then it was back in his car and off to find a public library.

After some driving around, he managed to find one and while doing so, he was concocting a plan. 

Keeping his car was too risky. His plates could be tracked and it wasn’t up for a trans-country trip. Besides, the fuel mileage was horrific and he just didn’t have the money to constantly pay for gas. Airplanes and trains were too expensive, which left buses. 

Scrolling through the options for Greyhound trips, Zuko found one that went from Phoenix to Chicago and right then and there, he was struck by a bolt of genius. Sokka lived in Chicago! He’d moved there right after high school to go to university. Sure they hadn’t talked in a while, but Zuko was sure that Sokka would help him. Or, about as sure as he could be about anything right now. 

Zuko and Sokka had grown up together. They’d met in a counselling group for kids who’d lost a parent and had bonded over the loss of their moms. They’d even gone to high school together, although that’s when they slowly started to drift apart. That was Zuko’s fault. But even so, Sokka was always such a caring person that Zuko knew he’d at least be able to stay there for a day or two until he found something else. 

He printed out the information he needed to get a ticket. He had his credit card number memorized, but he wasn’t about to use it and announce to the world where he was. That would be like shouting at the top of his lungs ‘Here I am Ozai, come and get me!’. No, Zuko would use the last of his cash instead. Much more under the radar. With that, Zuko also printed off the name of a couple of used car places, thinking that maybe one of them would actually want to buy his piece of junk car. 

By this point, he was sure that his right wrist was broken. He’d gotten sprains before, either from sports or other means, and they had never hurt this much for this long. This brought up another problem - he would have to go to the hospital at some point. That, just like using his credit card, was a sure way of notifying his father where he was. Zuko decided to wait until he got to Chicago and until then, he kept it tightly wrapped in both the boxing hand wrap and the wrist brace he had picked up the other night. It was a nuisance only being able to use one hand though, even if it was his dominant one. 

He tried several car dealerships and junkyards before he found one that was even vaguely interested in buying his car and even then he had to bargain pretty hard in order to get to the eventual settlement of $300. 

Now car-less, but $300 richer, he made his way to a bus station to get a ticket to Chicago. As he walked, Zuko began to regret not buying the ticket first and then selling the car second, but he hadn’t really had the option, as most trans-country Greyhound tickets were around $150, which was more than he had after he’d stopped for gas and the food from last night. 

It was only until he made it to the bus station that he really regretted not stealing more money from Azula. 

“What do you mean the next bus to Chicago is in a week and a half??” Zuko raged at the sales clerk, fear gripping his heart that he would have to return to Ozai in shame, or worse, Ozai would find him, “Isn’t there anyone that gets there sooner?”

“I’m sure there are flights or trains that depart sooner,” The sales clerk simpered, “Would you like me to look at one of those for you?”

“How much are those?” 

“Let me check,” She daintily clicked around with her computer mouse and Zuko couldn’t help but notice her annoyingly long fingernails as they tapped against each other, “There is a train to Chicago departing Tuesday at 7:00am for $350.” 

That was still two days away, but better than a week and a half. It would cost him most of his money, but it was better to run out of money in Chicago where Sokka would hopefully help him than run out of money in Phoenix. Even if Sokka didn’t help him out, at the very least Zuko would be farther away from LA. 

“Sure,” Zuko sighed, “I’ll do that one.”

“Wonderful, may I have your name and ID please?” 

“Lee Shin,” Zuko handed over his fake ID, thanking the unknown forces of the universe that he’d gotten one a couple of months ago and that he’d remembered to bring it along. More like he forgot that he had it in his wallet, since when did he have friends to use it with, but hey, now it’s come in handy. 

With his train tickets in hand and now out 350 dollars and a car, Zuko now had to figure out where he would stay for two days in an unknown city. After wandering around for a bit, he stumbled on another public library and decided to swallow his pride and search up homeless shelters. Luckily there was a youth shelter within reasonable walking distance and if that one didn’t work out there was an adult one about a 45-minute walk away. Zuko prayed to whatever gods might listen that the youth shelter had room. Even though he had been an adult for a year now, the idea of being surrounded by other adult men made his chest tighten. 

Following a crude map he had hastily sketched out paired with the map of Phoenix he had bought the previous night, Zuko made his way through unfamiliar streets. He couldn’t stop shivering as the wind whipped at his face and he swore at himself for only thinking to grab a light jacket when he had stormed out of the house. He hadn’t even packed more than one sweater. 

By the time Zuko made it to the steps of the shelter, which looked more like a house than he was expecting, his hands and feet felt numb. Although, that could also have been due to the anxiety rising in his chest. He stood at the foot of the steps, frozen, both literally and figuratively. 

_ Do I just go up there and knock? _ His thoughts raced.  _ Do they have a certain time people need to come in? What if they ask for ID? What if they have to report me to the police and Ozai finds me? _

He almost turned around to run away when the door opened and a middle-aged woman poked her head out the door. 

“Are you looking for a place to stay?” She asked not unkindly. 

Zuko nodded, his throat feeling tighter than ever. 

“C’mon in then, you look like you’re freezing! And no wonder,” She mused as he walked up the steps, “It’s been a chilly December so far.”

Zuko stepped into the warm entryway and the door was shut behind him. The room was small and had a doorway on the left that seemed to lead into a living space and a door to the right that the woman opened and gestured him into.

It was a small office, but nice and clean looking enough. Zuko felt some of the unease unravel. At least this place didn’t seem like a complete dump. 

“Alright then,” The lady bustled around him, “I’m Sela, what’s your name and your age?”

Zuko cleared his throat, trying to hide his wince as it felt like fire was burning it, “Lee. I’m 19.”

“Any last name, Lee? You don’t have to share if you don’t want to, but it does help our records.”

He shook his head and Sela moved on, gesturing at him to sit in one of the chairs seated in front of the desk. 

“So Lee, what brings you looking for somewhere to stay today?”

Zuko’s mind felt like it was racing, yet blank all at once, like the thought bubbles were there, but they were hollow. 

Sela’s eyes felt like they were piercing through him. He saw them linger at the scar on his face, double wrap on his right wrist and the deep bruising around his neck. He uncomfortably shifted, trying to bring the neckline of his hoodie higher and pulling his hat down over his scar a bit more. 

Instead of asking again, Sela typed something into the computer and then turned to him again. The next half hour or so was filled with questions, some of which Zuko had no answer to and thankfully Sela didn’t press him. 

Once that was done, Sela called it the ‘intake’, she showed him around the shelter. Although, it was more like a large and unconventional house. There were rooms with bunk beds, several bathrooms, a large laundry room with several washers and dryers, three living spaces and a large dining room. There was also a cat, who had followed them all throughout the tour. 

There were other kids who were scattered throughout the house, some of them looking at Zuko with curiosity and some of them with indifference. Zuko was struck by how young some of the kids were, he was one of the oldest here. There had been one other boy that looked around his age, he had been surrounded by a group of kids who seemed very tightly knit. 

Sela then gave him some clean clothes from one of the massive closets and some toiletries as well. She directed him to one of the bathrooms and told him to shower and change, then join the group in the dining room for supper. 

Getting undressed while favouring his hurt wrist proved to be a challenge. By the time Zuko had taken his hoodie and shirt off, his arm was throbbing so badly he felt bile rising in his throat. 

_ No. I can’t be weak. I need to push through this. _

But when he gently undid the brace, the last tendrils of control slipped through his grasp and he vomited into the toilet, further aggravating his throat. Unwanted tears streamed down his face as he dry-heaved again and again, having brought up all of the meagre amounts of food he had eaten in the past 48 hours. 

There was a knock on the bathroom door, followed by Shela’s voice, “Lee? Is everything okay in there?”

He tried to tell her to go away between the violent heaves, but black spots were beginning to encroach on his vision and he couldn’t voice his thoughts.

_ Go away, go away, go away. No one can see me like this. I’m weak.  _

“Alright Lee,” Shela said on the other side of the door, “I’m coming in.” 

The door opened easily as there had been no way for him to lock it, which he assumed was the norm around here. Zuko stayed where he was, crouched on the floor and leaning against the toilet, shaking violently. He felt her kneel beside him and distantly heard her ask what was the problem. 

Shela called to someone, but he was having a hard time hearing anything over the thundering sound of his heartbeat in his ears. The last thing he heard clearly was, “Don’t worry, we’re going to take care of you.” And then all faded to black. 


	2. There's nothing here but distance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 2! Also, I just want to say that this isn't beta-read and I try to proof read it, but there may still be some mistakes. 
> 
> Chapter title is from the song Dissociation by Aaryan Shah. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who wrote a comment on the first chapter, I love comments and they really mean a lot to me.

Awareness came back to Zuko slowly. He felt the cold and hard tiled floor beneath him and sensed that there were people around him, but he couldn’t move. Hands were touching his body and he wanted more than anything to scream at them to stop touching him and shove them off. Voices floated above him, but it was like he was underwater. They were garbled and muffled. 

More hands appeared, gripping him and he wanted to tear himself away, but his body wasn’t obeying his commands. It felt like the times that he’d had sleep paralysis, like he was locked inside himself and he’d lost the key. 

Suddenly, the tiled floor was replaced with something softer. 

_Did they put me on a bed?_

There was movement, but Zuko couldn’t tell if it was him or the people around him that were moving. 

The voices slowly came into focus, like finding the right frequency on the radio. 

“Watch the steps,” A voice said as Zuko felt whatever he was laying on shift, “Let’s load him up.”

“Looks like he’s coming around,” Another voice said. “Lee? Lee, can you hear me?”

_Who’s Lee? Oh right, that’s me._

Zuko tried for a ‘yes’, but his throat didn’t cooperate and all he let out was a groan. 

“Lee, you’re in an ambulance, you passed out, we’re taking you to the hospital.”

Zuko jolted awake, breaking free of the invisible bonds trapping him inside his body. A concerned face entered his blurry line of vision. 

“Lee, it’s okay, we’ll get you checked out at the hospital.”

“No,” Zuko moaned, and then clearer, “No!”

“Lee, they’re trying to help you,” A semi-familiar voice spoke up and Sela’s face came into view. 

Zuko thrashed around, panic rising as he found that he was strapped down to a gurney. 

“No!” His chest heaved, “I can’t go to the hospital, I can’t, I can’t, I can-can’t.” His breath was coming in gasps and it felt like iron bands were constricting around his chest. The background beeping seemed to get louder and faster until it felt like the sound was drilling into his head. 

Something hard and plastic was placed over his mouth and nose and Zuko tried to shove it off, only for it to be placed back on again. 

“Lee, this is an oxygen mask,” The voice that was not Sela’s said, “It’ll help you breathe alright? Can you take some nice deep breaths for me?” 

Zuko shook his head, “No,” He gasped, “Hospital.”

“Lee,” Sela pipped up again, “Your arm is severely broken and you may have a concussion. You need to go to the hospital. If you’re worried about health insurance, you don’t need to be.” 

Zuko shook his head. They weren’t understanding him! If he went to the hospital, they would figure out who he really was and then Ozai would find him.

“He’ll find me,” He moaned from under the mask, “He’ll find me and then he’ll kill me.”

“Who will?” Sela asked, then paused, “The person who did this to you?” 

Zuko nodded miserably. He wasn’t happy about admitting it, he’d wanted to keep his cards as close to his chest as possible, but if it kept them from taking him to the hospital then telling them was worth it. 

“Okay Lee,” The other voice, the EMT spoke up, “We’ll check you in under John Doe, they won’t know or report who you are. Does that sound alright?” 

Nothing sounded alright, but Zuko’s arm was throbbing to the rapid beat of his heart, the world was spinning and disjointed and he just wanted to feel better, so he nodded reluctantly. Then he allowed himself to let go of the reigns of awareness, and he floated off. It felt like he was inside and outside of his body at the same time. He could see the roof of the ambulance that he was staring at, but he could also see his body from the outside as it was lying stretched out on a gurney. 

At some point, both the EMT and Sela asked more questions and Zuko felt the rumbling of his voice in his chest and throat answer them, but he had no idea what he said. 

The lights above him changed, he saw a flash of blue sky before more fluorescent lights drilled down into his eyes. Flurries of activity were all around him, he shifted himself onto a different bed and then his eyes slipped closed. 

**********

This time regaining consciousness was an easier task. He opened his eyes and found himself on a hospital bed, tucked away in the corner of a busy emergency room. Curtains hugged the side of the bed closely and Sela was sitting on a chair beside him, reading a book. 

“You’re still here,” Zuko said surprised, making her jump. “Sorry,” He apologized quickly, but she waved him off. 

“Don’t worry about it,” She smiled kindly at him, but he couldn’t help feeling uneasy. After all, he had just met this woman, why was she treating him so nicely? What if she reported him and Ozai was already on the way here? 

The sounds and smells of the emergency room weren’t helping his uneasiness. His stomach turned on itself as the sounds of the bustling ER brought back the smell of burnt flesh and the feelings of unimaginable pain and fear from his memories, taking him hostage. 

_The horrible dressing changes, screaming and weeping in pain, with only one eye functional enough to produce tears. The painful debridement of the wound. Clutching onto Uncle’s hand like a lifeline, and other than him, being alone._

“How’re you feeling?” 

Zuko opened his mouth to answer, or maybe to throw up but was cut off when a doctor swept aside the curtain and stepped in. 

“Hello Mr. Doe, I’m Dr. Cohen, I’ll be your doctor today” She picked up his chart and quickly read through it, “What brings you in today?”

“Uh..” Zuko’s mouth felt dry as he tried to fight through the bombardment of memories in order to get out a coherent sentence. “My arm.” He settled on saying. 

“Yes,” Dr. Cohen looked at the chart again, “Your arm is broken, my guess is that it will require surgery to fix, but we will see how the x-ray comes back. It also appears that you have a grade two concussion and you have contusions to the neck and upper torso.” 

“Surgery?” Zuko protested, “I can’t have surgery, I have a ticket to-,” He cut off, not wanting to reveal his plans, “I’m leaving the city in two days.” He finished. 

“Depending on how severe the break is, you may be able to get surgery tonight and then you would be released tomorrow. You may still be able to make your trip in time.” 

The doctor went on and Zuko tried his best to listen, but his thoughts were racing. They didn’t stop, not when he went to get an x-ray, not when he was told that he had to have surgery that night and not when Sela eventually left with the promise of coming back to check on him the next morning. Eventually it felt like his thoughts overtook him and that’s all he was. He wasn’t real, he was just a collection of thoughts floating through the world. 

People interacted with him and he interacted with them, but that was his doppelganger. That was someone who could politely laugh at the right moment, someone who could answer all of the questions the hospital staff asked him and not get upset or overwhelmed. 

This wasn’t something new to Zuko, he’d had this level of dissociation before and knew what it was. After his burn accident, he discovered this as a way to deal with the pain, but never really figured out a way to snap out of it voluntarily. Once he was back in school, having to restart freshman year all over again, he found it useful to deal with the stares and the whispering behind his back. He closed himself off to the world and let autopilot Zuko take over. He did all the right things, he paid attention in class and did his work. He went back to Uncle’s and ate his food, answered all of the prying questions and slept without too many nightmares. Yet he was separated from it. It was as if he was watching someone else live his life for him. 

As much as it felt better to be separated from his life and not have to feel overwhelmed by absolutely everything, it came at a cost. That’s when he and Sokka started to become distant because Zuko never let things go past the surface. By the time Zuko had mostly come out of it, it was too late. Zuko had pushed Sokka away too much. 

During those years of numbness, Uncle had noticed that someone was wrong and put him into therapy, but autopilot Zuko was able to say just the right things for the therapist to stop chiselling in the wrong places. Eventually, the outer shell did begin to crack, but from the inside. Zuko’s anger was expanding and took over the autopilot. He made those last two years of high school hell for everyone around him. He was expelled from three schools and fought with Uncle to the point where going back to Ozai and Azula seemed like the better option. Zuko hasn’t seen Iroh since. He wondered if Iroh would ever forgive him for those years of distance and anger and for the fact that Zuko had left him while Uncle pleaded for him not to go back. 

Looking back now, going back to live with Ozai and Azula was one of the stupidest things he’d ever done. Not the stupidest, but close. He had so desperately needed to feel accepted and welcomed back that he had ignored all of the red flags. And now look where he was, a runaway with a broken arm, practically no money and with no plan other than to get as far away from LA as possible. 

_Stupid, idiotic, worthless._ The voice in his head sounded strangely like Ozai. _Can’t do anything right, can’t even run away properly. You just had to go to the hospital and leave a trail for Ozai to follow. He’ll find you and then he’s going to kill you._

Zuko knew without a shadow of a doubt that his father would kill him if he were caught. He’d seen the look on Ozai’s face, he knew that he wouldn’t hesitate to kill his son to protect himself. 

_“Zuko,” Ozai was sitting in the cheerily lit kitchen, his face twisted as if he were in pain, “Were you looking through my computer files?”_

_A jolt went through Zuko’s body and he forgot how to breathe. His heart pounded in his ears and he had to clutch the straps of his backpack in order to hide his shaking hands._

_“No,” But he had always been a terrible liar when it came to Ozai, “Why?”_

_Ozai stood and took a step forwards. Zuko’s body automatically lurched backwards before he could manage to hold his ground._

_“You were clever,” Ozai said seemingly calmly, but there’s a storm raging just below the surface, “I’ll give you that. You disabled two of my monitoring programs. Luckily I had installed a third one installed just the other week. I saw what you looked up and I saw that you copied it.”_

_Another step forward for Ozai, another step back for Zuko._

_“So, I’m going to need that information back. Now.”_

_“No,” Zuko said shakily, but determined. He could not let his father steal from, harass and terrorize the people of LA any longer. Zuko had always known that Ozai was a dirty cop, but had turned a blind eye to it. That was no longer an option and Zuko would die before giving Ozai back the information that he’d found._

_Ozai’s face twitched and he pulled himself up to seem even taller. It seemed like Zuko might just get his wish, “You dare defy me? Give me the copy you made. I won’t ask again.”_

_Zuko took a step forward, his heart was beating furiously but his voice was strong and clear, “I don’t have to listen to you anymore. I’m going to go to the press and show everyone the dirty, disgusting pig that you are.”_

_Ozai chuckled and the sound shot fear through Zuko, “You suddenly grew morals, did you now? What brought about this change in heart?” He stepped forward again._

_“It doesn’t matter,” Zuko stood his ground this time, “What matters is that you, a dirty cop, a murderer and a child abuser,” His voice rose into a shout, “Will go and rot in jail where you belong!”_

_The storm below the surface on Ozai’s face broke through and he roared and lunged at Zuko. Zuko blocked his first punch, but the second caught him across the temple and sent him staggering._

_“GIVE ME THE COPIES!_ ” _Ozai bellowed, swinging wildly with anger. He managed to kick Zuko onto the floor and then tried to grab his backpack from his hands. Zuko just barely held on and then a hand was around his wrist and twisted until he felt something pop and an uninvited scream escaped his mouth._

_Black and grey spots encroached on his vision, but Zuko pushed past them. He had to get out of here now if he wanted to live. He made it off the floor and into the hallway when Ozai’ slammed him against the wall and his hands wrapped around his throat and squeezed tightly._

_The spots in Zuko’s sight returned full force and he felt himself gasping for air that he wasn’t getting. Ozai’s maniacal face filled his vision, crazed with anger. Zuko swung out wildly, trying to break free, but his swings were getting slower and weaker. In one last desperate attempt, Zuko brought his knee up as hard as he could, catching Ozai right where it hurt._

_The hands around his throat disappeared and he collapsed to the floor, heaving for breath. Then he was up on his feet, sprinting as fast as he could for the front door. Ozai pulled himself off the floor and followed closely behind._

_Zuko slammed open the door, made it inside his car and slammed the door in Ozai’s face. He took off and Ozai jumped in front of the car. Zuko wasn’t about to stop, so he floored the gas and Ozai was somersaulted over the hood of his car and landed in a heap on the road._

_Zuko didn’t look back._

******

A hand touched Zuko’s shoulder and he jolted awake heart racing. 

“Sorry about that,” A friendly voice cut through the sleepy haze, “Don’t worry, you’re in the hospital, the surgery went well and you’re on track to be discharged soon.” 

Zuko blinked to clear his eyes and a nurse leaning over him came into focus, looking at him expectantly. 

“Okay, cool,” He ground out, his throat feeling like sandpaper. 

“Here’s some water,” The nurse handed him a cup, “Your throat is probably sore from the intubation.” 

She watched as he dutifully drank some water, and then left, leaving him with a remote for the tv and the promise that she would come back in a bit. 

To distract himself from the pain in his throat and to a lesser degree, the pain of his now casted right arm, Zuko turned on the tv to at least have some sound. 

“….a storm on Wednesday afternoon and then clear skies for the rest of the week,” The weatherman said cheerily, “Now back to you, Brenda.”

“Thanks, Dave,” The shot changed to a news reporter, “The search is still on for the son of Chief Ozai Seong, the head of the LAPD.” 

Zuko’s head shot up in alarm.

“The young man, Zuko Seong, was reported missing yesterday and as of yet, there are no leads.” A picture of Zuko was shown on the screen, “There is the worry of foul play and the LAPD is doing all they can to find him.”

The scene cut to Ozai holding a press conference, but Zuko didn’t hear what he said. His ears were filled with static and his heart pounded so hard it felt like it would leap out of his chest. 

_I need to get out of here. People have seen my picture, they’ll recognize me for sure._

He jumped out of the hospital bed, briefly swaying on his feet but forced himself to recover. His backpack with his clothes and the all-important USB key was tucked under the bed and he made quick work of changing out of the hospital gown. He couldn’t have the nurse walk in now. 

He shoved on his hat, pulling it down low over his face. That wouldn’t be enough though, his face was still visible. 

Zuko looked around wildly and spotted sunglasses on the table beside another sleeping patient. He grabbed them and put them on. It might look a bit out of place, someone walking through a hospital in the early morning with sunglasses on, but they did hide his scar a bit. 

He made his way to the door and quickly looked both ways before leaving. He had no idea where the exit was but he had to get out of the hospital as soon as possible. 

After 15 minutes of wandering, Zuko finally made it out the doors and onto the street. Which street? He had no idea. He didn’t know where he was in the city or how to get to the train station on time to leave for Chicago, but it wasn’t an option to stick around. 

_Stick around, you die._

Not having a phone in an unfamiliar city was proving to be a greater challenge than anticipated, but once again, the great libraries of Phoenix Arizona came in to save the day. Zuko was able to plan a bus route to the train station and he had just enough time to create a bogus email account and uploaded all of the data he had copied from Ozai’s computer. He sent off copies to as many news sites that he could find and also some activism groups based in LA. Now at least if he was caught, the damage was done. 

It simultaneously felt like a weight off and on his shoulders. Now he didn’t have to worry about being the only decent human being who knew about his father, but that also meant that Ozai’s anger would be exponentially higher. If Zuko was caught, he would be killed. If he hadn’t sent off the email, he might’ve been able to get away with giving back the USB key and calling it quits. Now there was no going back. He had just signed his death sentence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Zuko. He's going through a lot. 
> 
> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	3. The kindness of strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko makes his way out of Phoenix and begins his mission to find Sokka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter than the others, sorry about that. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's commented and left kudos, they're really fuelling me to write more! I'm really enjoying writing this story and getting everyone's feedback on it, it's awesome :)

Well, he’d screwed up. He was such an idiot! He’d made it to the train station in time for the train only to realize that today was Monday. His ticket was for Tuesday and he had at most $50 left in his pocket. Zuko had nowhere to go, practically no money and his face had been all over the news. Well, maybe not all over, he had actually been actively avoiding seeing any news since he sent out the emails, but he knew that the time was ticking until Ozai put together where his son had run off to. 

“Excuse me,” Zuko smiled politely at the exhausted-looking employee in the ticket office, “Do you happen to have any trains leaving for any northern city today?” 

“Any northern city?” They asked in a confused tone, “You don’t have a specific one?”

Zuko shook his head, at this point he just wanted to get out of the west as quickly as possible and he would somehow find his way to Chicago from there. 

The clerk typed a few things into their computer and then turned to Zuko, “I’m sorry, but the soonest we have is tomorrow morning to Chicago.”

He tried not to let his rising panic show. He had a gut feeling that if he stayed in Phoenix for any longer, he would be caught. 

_“_ Are there any flights?” His mouth was dry and he had to tuck his left hand in his armpit to hide it shaking. Unfortunately, he couldn’t do so with his broken arm and the shaking was sending vibrations of pain up his arm and into his shoulder. Ever since Zuko had left the hospital it had been getting gradually sorer and sorer, he assumed from the pain medication wearing off. 

“No flights,” The clerk shook their head and Zuko couldn’t help but feel slightly relieved amidst the disappointment. He had wanted to avoid flying as much as possible, too much security, too many people and cameras. Also, if he showed anyone his ID now, even if it was his fake one, there was a high chance that they could identify him. 

“Okay,” Zuko’s heart was in his throat as he considered his next steps, but he plowed ahead anyway, “I bought a ticket to go to Chicago tomorrow, but there was a change of plans, would I be able to get a refund?” 

After getting a refund and buying some maps, Zuko walked out of the train station a jittering mess of anxiety. Maybe he was doing something completely idiotic, more like he was doing something completely idiotic, but he felt that he absolutely needed to leave Phoenix now. So he was going to hitchhike. To Chicago. Or at least somewhere near Chicago. 

_Oh god, what am I doing?_

********

For not having much, if any of a plan, Zuko was doing alright. By the end of the day he was out of Arizona and in a car headed to Albuquerque, New Mexico. He’d luckily caught the eye of a trucker outside of Tucson where a nice middle-aged man had dropped him off. 

The story Zuko had been using so far was that he and his friends had been visiting Phoenix for the summer and then his friends had bet him that he wouldn’t be able to make it back home to Minneapolis by hitchhiking. It seemed to be working, the trucker, Jim, seemed real pleased about being a part of a bet. 

“You know,” He chortled, “When I was your age, my friends and I were wild things. I don’t know how we survived to make it to where we are now!” 

They had chatted fairly amicably for the first two hours of the drive and were now listening to a country music station. Some of Zuko’s nerves had calmed down, but he stayed on edge. He couldn’t help but think of all of the times Ozai had told him bedtime stories of gruesome murders and had revelled in each revolting detail. 

_You’re an idiot for doing this._ Ozai’s voice said inside his head. _If I don’t find you and kill you, someone else will do the job for me._

Zuko shook his head violently as if he could fling the voice from the handholds it held in his mind. 

“You good there kid?” Jim asked, sounding concerned, “If you’re tired you can go sleep in the bunk in the back of the cab.” 

“No, I’m okay,” Zuko declined, even though he desperately wanted to. His head was pounding and his wrist had brought on a whole new level of pain. He wanted more than anything than to lie down somewhere dark and quiet and scream into the void. Either that or chop his arm off. Unfortunately, neither of those were viable options right now. 

Besides, he was too anxious to sleep around Jim, even if he seemed like a stand-up guy. Too many scenarios were running through his mind that kept him alert and ready to bail at any second. Granted, he had no idea where he would bail to if it came to that, but he was ready to anyway. 

The scenery they were driving through was relatively unremarkable and not much broke up the monotony. Zuko had to admit though, the sunset was beautiful. 

******

It was dark and raining by the time they drove into Albuquerque and Zuko was valiantly fighting to stay awake. 

Jim pulled into a truck stop and turned to Zuko. 

“It’s pretty late kid,” He said, “I don’t know if any places will be taking people for the night. How about you stay here tonight, you can take the bunk and I’ll sleep in the front of the cab.” He must’ve seen Zuko hesitate because he added, “And it’s raining pretty heavily out there, I don’t think you want to go out there in the dark and the rain.” 

Zuko didn’t like the idea of staying with the driver for the night, but he really didn’t have any other option unless he wanted to find a bridge to sleep under. So he reluctantly agreed, praying to whatever was out there that this was the right decision. 

He settled on the hard mattress, his back facing the wall. He managed to keep himself awake until he heard snores coming from the front of the cab and then Zuko cautiously let himself slip into the welcoming arms of sleep. 

******

A door slammed loudly and Zuko shot up, slamming his head on the roof of the cab. He heard Jim chuckle.

“Watch your head!” 

_A little late for that_. 

Zuko climbed out of the bed and made his way to the front of the cab, being entranced by the smell of food. His stomach rumbled and he realized with a start that he hadn’t eaten anything since the morning he’d sold his car. 

Jim handed him a breakfast sandwich. “There you go, kid.”

Zuko hesitated, but his hunger won out. “Thank you.” He accepted the warm sandwich and it was gone within a minute. A second one appeared in front of him and he accepted that one without thought. Now that he had eaten something, he realized just how hungry he was. 

It was only after his third sandwich that Zuko came to his senses, mortified. 

“I’m so sorry,” He apologized, “I didn’t mean to eat all of them, I can pay you back.” He went to pull out some cash, but Jim held out a hand. 

“Don’t worry about it,” He waved it off, “I had a feeling that you hadn’t eaten in a while.” 

He turned to Zuko and looked at him closely. Zuko fought the urge to look away. It felt like Jim was staring into the depths of his soul, that no secret was safe. Finally, Jim broke the silence. 

“There is no bet, is there?” Referring to the story Zuko had told him by the side of the road.

“Um,” Zuko stuttered, but Jim cut him off.

“That’s okay, you don’t need to tell me. In fact, I think the less I know the better.” Zuko felt as though Jim’s dark brown eyes were seeing right through him, “Better for me not to know where you’re headed too, just in case someone were to come asking for you.”

Zuko swallowed around the hard lump in his throat, but Jim moved on. 

“Well,” He said brightly, “I need to drop this shipment off and then pick one up, but I can take you to Pueblo if you want.” 

Zuko nodded, not trusting in his voice yet. 

“Alright!” Jim started up the semi with a rumble, “Let’s be off.”

*******

Jim ended up giving Zuko $100, a hearty lunch and leaving him in what he called ‘a prime hitchhiking spot’. Before he pulled away, he gave him a knowing look and told him to look after himself. 

Jim was right about it being a prime spot because Zuko was picked up by a couple and their young son about 20 minutes after Jim left. They were on their way to Denver for a day vacation. 

Zuko ended up having to make up a new name because their 8-year-old son was named Lee. He and Lee were crammed in the back seat together and hit it off talking about video games. The couple seemed thankful to have someone else to keep Lee entertained and after half an hour, Zuko could see why. 

“I got Mario Kart 8 for my switch for my birthday,” Lee chattered on excitedly, “But I haven’t gotten to play it much because mom and dad say that I need to finish my homework.” He pouted. 

“Homework is important,” Zuko agreed, finding himself wishing for the country music in Jim’s semi-truck. 

Lee stuck out his tongue, “Homework is stupid.”

“Lee,” Mr. Huang chastised. 

“Alright, homework is silly.” Lee corrected himself, then turned to Zuko, “Hey, how did you get that scar?” 

Zuko choked slightly on his spit and felt his face flushing. He was about to open his mouth when Mrs. Huang turned around and gave Lee a scolding look.

“Don’t ask personal questions, Lee,” She said, “He doesn’t have to answer.”

“Okay,” Lee agreed, “How did you break your arm?”

“Lee!” Mr. and Mrs. Huang gasped simultaneously and Lee’s face fell. 

“No, it’s okay,” Zuko said, not wanting Lee to feel bad, “I’ll tell you, but you need to promise not to tell anyone, okay? It’s a secret.”

Lee nodded excitedly. “I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”

“Are you sure? This is very serious stuff.” 

“I cross my heart and hope to die,” Lee said solemnly. 

“Alright,” Zuko conceded, “I’m a secret agent,” he whispered conspiratorially, “And I was sneaking into the bad guy’s lair to find some evidence that they were doing bad things.”

Lee listened raptly, his eyes wide. 

“I got in through the ceiling and I got to slide down on a rope. I snuck into the place where they kept their important things-“

“Did they keep them in a safe?” Lee asked excitedly, “All bad guys keep their important stuff in a safe!”

Zuko nodded, “They kept their stuff in a big safe and I had to figure out a way to open it without tripping any alarms. But,” He paused, “I’m very good at opening safes, so they didn’t find me.”

“Then what happened?” 

Zuko went on to wind a whole spy tale about how he got the important files and found out that they were keeping a prince hostage, so he needed to rescue the prince. They had both almost made it out when they were caught and how Zuko needed to fight his way out against scores of bad guys. He’d won, of course, but one bad guy had got in a lucky shot and had broken his arm. Even with the broken arm, brave Zuko was able to carry the prince on his back and climb back up the rope and out of the bad guy’s lair. And now Zuko was on another secret mission to find his lost friend. 

Lee clapped at the end of the story, “You were so brave! I don’t know if I could do that,” He said doubtfully. 

“I think you could,” Zuko smiled at him, “I think that you’re also very brave.” 

By the time they reached Pueblo, Lee had almost run out of spy questions to ask. Mr. Huang dropped Zuko off at a small hotel at the edge of the city and as Zuko got out of the car, Lee turned to him. 

“I know you’re not really a secret agent,” He whispered, “But don’t worry, I still won’t tell anyone.” 

Zuko thanked him and Mr. and Mrs. Huang. They thanked him profusely for keeping Lee entertained and gave him some granola bars. 

By the time Zuko had gotten a small hotel room, paid for with the cash Jim had given him, he felt like collapsing onto the bed. But first, the shower was calling his name. Rather, the bath. He couldn’t shower with his cast. 

He sat in the warm tub of water, letting it wash away all of the dirt and grime from the past couple of days. He hadn’t been able to bathe since he’d left LA, which felt like a lifetime ago. It had been nice spending time with the Huang’s, it made him forget Ozai, the USB key and the news for at least a bit. It helped him remember what families could be like. 

When his mom had still been alive, Zuko’s family had gone to Hawaii each summer to stay at their beach house. That was back when Azula still felt like his little sister, always wanting to tag along with whatever he was doing. 

One summer, Zuko was taking surfing lessons and Azula desperately wanted to join, but she wasn’t good enough of a swimmer yet. She had begged their parents to let her join him until eventually they gave in and hired another instructor just for her. Zuko had been angry because he wanted to do something without his little sister tagging along. He had threatened to quit the lessons unless Azula stopped joining him and only kept going when his mom sat down to talk to him about it. But now Zuko wished that he could go back then to enjoy feeling like a normal brother and sister. It had been a long time since he’d felt like he was a brother. 

It felt like as soon as mom died, Ozai changed. Instead of at least pretending to care about Zuko, he focussed all of his attention on Azula. Soon Azula turned from the little sister who always wanted to hang around her big brother to someone that Zuko didn’t recognize. She would fight him for no reason, taunting him and laughing at him cruelly when he cried. 

Ozai would voice his cutting remarks instead of holding them back, no longer hiding his resentment for his son. Zuko struggled in school and Ozai would punish him for every bad mark an incomplete assignment. Azula excelled wherever Zuko failed and garnered all of Ozai’s praise. 

_“Azula was born lucky. You, Zuko, were lucky to be born.”_ Ozai would sneer at him on particularly bad days. 

Eventually, Zuko was diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia, but that just gave Ozai even more reason to scorn his son. 

As much as Zuko had made up the secret agent story to keep Lee entertained, it was partly true. He was like a secret agent, he had gone through his father’s computer and copied as much evidence as he could find and then he got caught on his way out. And now he was on a mission to find Sokka. 

_God, I hope Sokka will help me._

That was something Zuko had been trying to ignore, the potential of getting all the way to Chicago only to either not find Sokka or to find him and have him turn Zuko away. If either of those things happened, Zuko had no clue what he would do. But first, he needed to actually get there. Then he could deal with whatever came next. 

Zuko only got out of the bath when the water turned cold and his fingers and toes were wrinkly like raisins. He put on the last of his clean clothes and went about washing his dirty clothes in the sink and hung them up to dry. 

With that done, nothing was stopping Zuko from collapsing onto the soft, warm bed and soon he was fast asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is almost unprecedented, me writing this much in so short of time. I owe it to all of you who are commenting and getting me excited about writing this story :) Being off work for the holidays also helps, so once I go back to work, this story may slow down a bit. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! Leave a comment to let me know what you think!


	4. Right in Front of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko makes his way to his destination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a trigger warning for this chapter, there is a brief mention of attempted sexual assault. It happens a little past midway in the chapter, there is nothing described other than the implication that it could get worse. If this sounds like it could be triggering for you, please skip this chapter. 
> 
> Thank you to all that left kudos and comments on the last chapter! This is the most feedback I've ever gotten on a fanfic and it's awesome and I appreciate it so much.

Waking up in a semi-comfy bed, alone, was a nice change from the uncomfortable seat of Zuko’s back car and the anxious sleep he’d had in the back of Jim's truck. He allowed himself a few minutes of lazing under the covers before he rolled over and sat up. 

It was time to do the thing he was dreading, it was time to check the news. He hadn’t checked it since he’d seen the news story about his ‘disappearance’ and since he’d sent in the incriminating files. 

_ Maybe it won’t be on the news here, _ he hoped,  _ I’m three states away, maybe it hasn’t made national news yet. _

Even as he thought it, he knew that it would be unlikely. After all, he’d sent the files to several news stations that did both local and national news and a police chief involved with gangs, murders, coverups and embezzling would be sure to garner lots of attention. 

Zuko turned on the tv and eventually found a news channel. For a while, all seemed well. The newscasters were talking about the recent drought, forest fires and local politicians. He had just started to marginally relax when a picture of Ozai came on the screen. 

Zuko’s breath caught in his throat for a second; it felt like Ozai was looking through the screen at him with a murderous gleam in his eyes. 

_ He can see me, _ Zuko thought irrationally.  _ He knows where I am.  _

Not soon enough, the screen cut to the newscasters behind their desks and Zuko could finally breathe, his heart pounding in his chest. 

“Los Angeles Police Chief Ozai Seong along with several other high ranking officers of various city police departments are under investigation after an anonymous source leaked evidence that there has been a high level of corruption in the departments for years,” The curly-haired woman said matter of factly. 

Zuko didn’t know how she could be so calm about something like this. 

“The evidence,” She continued, “Appeared to come from Chief Seong’s personal computer and has detailed records of coverups, including murder, affiliations with gangs and drugs.”

“Little is known about the identity of the source,” Her male counterpart continued, “But it was tracked down to a public library in Phoenix, Arizona late yesterday afternoon.” 

The camera cut to a scene of the library Zuko had been at and he was suddenly extremely grateful that he had left Phoenix when he did. 

“Some have the suspicion that it was Chief Seong’s son, who has been missing for four days, who leaked the evidence, but nothing has been confirmed as of yet.” 

Zuko noticed that they didn’t show a picture of him this time, probably an attempt to protect his identity because now he had many angry police officers looking to track him down. Not that keeping his picture from the news would stop them from knowing what he looked like, it was a pretty easy google search. He would have to be even more careful. Which didn’t mix well with having to stand by the side of the road for possibly hours as who knows how many people passed him by. Maybe he could buy some foundation to cover his scar so that at least people wouldn’t see it at a distance. 

The reporters went on, but Zuko switched off the tv. At least he knew he was right to leave Phoenix when he did. If he had stayed to wait for his train, they probably would’ve caught him. 

Also, now he got confirmation that the information he had gotten from Ozai’s computer was actually useful. He hadn’t had a chance to go over it all in detail, he’d skimmed over some of the documents but decided just to copy all that he could find. It hadn’t been a simple task to find things either. Ozai’s laptop was a strategic mess and the incriminating documents were well hidden. Pressed for time, Zuko had copied all that he could, leaving how many more files undiscovered. 

Zuko wondered if he should feel guilty for exposing Ozai and destroying his career. After all, Ozai was his father. When he reflected on it, he realized that he had absolutely no remorse. 

_ Let that monster rot in hell for all he’s done. _

Ozai had destroyed countless lives with his corruption, not to mention what he’d done to his own son. 

The hotel room suddenly felt very cold as the unwanted memory of a handful of red hot embers came slithering into Zuko’s mind. He shivered, shoving it and locking it away. But it was still there, lurking just out of sight, always ready to pounce whenever he let down his guard. 

But that would have to be dealt with later. Zuko had no time to stress about the past. He needed to get moving as soon as possible. 

All of the clothes that he had washed the night before were dry, so he shoved them all into his backpack. He brushed his teeth, once again thanking his past self for forgetting to completely empty his backpack from a camping trip he’d gone on months ago. He’d left a toothbrush and toothpaste in one of the pockets and since he had packed up so hastily when he left LA, he would’ve totally forgotten them. 

The thought of the camping trip made him pause. It had been him, Azula, her friend Ty Lee and Mai, his girlfriend at the time. They’d had a good time; it was the happiest he’d felt for a long time. Thinking of Mai brought a lump into his throat. They were still on good terms, she was probably one of the closest things he had to a friend in LA. He hadn’t told her he was leaving. She was probably worried out of her mind. 

_ I’ll find a way to let her know I’m okay when I get to Chicago. _

It seemed that these days, Chicago was the place where all things got fixed. When he got there, he’d magically be protected from Ozai, he would have a place to live and he would be happy. 

_ Likely story. _

Zuko packed everything up and checked out of the hotel. He kept his hat and hood on, along with the pair of sunglasses he’d stolen from the patient at the hospital and made his way to the drug store across the street on the quest to find some make-up. 

Thanks to Azula, he knew that it was important to find a foundation that matched his skin tone, but how to go about that, he had no idea. He ended up pulling random bottles off the shelves and holding them up to his hand. Eventually, he found one that looked like it worked alright, he hoped. 

He grabbed some make-up sponges because he also knew that he needed those to put the foundation on? Blend it? He’d figure it out. He also grabbed some snacks and extra strength ibuprofen because his wrist was absolutely killing him. 

Zuko realized that he had no idea what the doctors had done to his wrist. They’d told him, but he had been on autopilot and didn’t remember a thing. He hadn’t gotten a chance to ask them before he’d booked it out of the hospital. 

He winced. 

_ Sorry, Sela. _

She’d been very nice and he hated that he left without thanking her or giving her an explanation of some sort, but maybe by now, she’d figured out who he was. Hopefully, she would keep her mouth shut. 

After paying for his things, he slipped into the store bathroom and tried to figure out how to put on foundation. It was more difficult than anticipated. 

“How do girls make this look so easy? This looks like shit!” He swore to himself in the mirror. 

Several attempts and what felt like half the bottle of foundation later, Zuko thought he’d done a passable job. At least it would hold up when motorists were passing him at high speeds, they wouldn’t immediately report that a boy with a scar was hitchhiking on the freeway. Up close, it would probably look a bit odd, but so be it. It be what it be. 

Leaving the drug store, Zuko began the not so long walk to the freeway. He’d been able to hear the cars on the road last night; the sound of them had put him on edge. Each time a car had whooshed by he’d wondered whether that was Ozai coming to get him and he’d been unable to sleep for the longest time. Regardless, he had still been able to get a somewhat decent amount of sleep. 

He found the optimal spot to stand (i.e. on the side of the road and not in the middle of it) and prepared himself for a long wait. At least he’d have snacks. 

********

The snacks had come in handy; Zuko had used them to trade for a ride to Colorado Springs from a group of college kids. It was probably an unfair trade on their part, but they seemed pleased with their potato chips. 

After that, it had been a whirlwind of cars, talking to strangers as they cruised down the road and figuring out where the hell he’d been dropped off. 

He’d made it all the way to Columbus, Nebraska by the time it was dark, which he was very impressed with. 

Zuko’s last ride had left him on the very outskirts of the city since they weren’t going through, so he had a fair bit of walking to do before he would find a hotel. Cars flashed by him, their headlights being some of the only light on the road. 

For about the billionth time since he’d chucked it out the window somewhere between LA and Phoenix, Zuko wished he had his phone. For one, he could use it as a flashlight so that he wouldn’t have to rely on the headlights of passing cars, and he would feel a lot safer if he had it. He also missed his music, listening to stranger’s music hadn’t quite scratched the itch. 

Lost in his lament about his phone, Zuko didn’t notice a semi-truck pull up behind him on the shoulder of the freeway until it was close behind him. It stopped, the cab door opened and a figure popped their head out. 

Zuko couldn’t make out any details of their face due to the  _ fucking LED headlights shining directly in my face! _

“Where ya headed?” The backlit figure called. 

Zuko hesitated for a second, then thought  _ screw it, I’m hungry, I’m tired and my wrist hurts like hell. If this person can get me any closer to Chicago and Sokka, I’m in. _

“Chicago,” He called back.

The figure got down from their truck and started walking towards him. It was a middle-aged white man, as most of the truckers Zuko had run into seemed to be, but he looked kind enough. 

“It’s your lucky day,” The trucker rubbed his hands together, “Or, I guess night. I’m headed to Davenport, which is two and a half or so hours from Chicago. I’m driving all night, you could camp out on the cot in the cab of the truck.” 

Zuko once again felt hesitation pulling at his gut, but he silenced it.

_ Two and a half hours from Chicago! I’d be almost there! _

“Sounds good,” He said, “I’m Ben,” He held out his hand. He’d been using different names this whole day, just in case. 

“Nice to meet ya, Ben,” The trucker shook his hand with a tight grip, “I’m Miles Mcneill.” 

Miles paused for a bit, waiting for Zuko to divulge his last name, but he remained silent. Miles shrugged, then gestured to the truck. 

“C’mon in!”

The interior of the cab was very similar to Jim’s from the other day and Zuko quickly made his way to the cot. He was exhausted, his head was pounding and his wrist was throbbing. He popped an ibuprofen, figuring it had been long enough since his last one. He had to dry swallow it as he’d already drunk all of his water, hence the headache. 

“Go on, get settled in,” Miles started the truck up again, “Just rest and we’ll be in Davenport before you know it.” 

Zuko meant to stay awake, but the hum of the road and the rumble of the truck lulled him off to sleep. 

*******

Zuko woke up to the feeling of the hard mattress dipping as someone sat on it. He kept his eyes closed and tried to keep his breathing steady as panic rose in his chest. A hand stroked his hair and he held back a flinch. 

Hot and heavy breaths brushed past his ear and Zuko fought to stay calm. 

_ C’mon brain, think! What can I do? This is a small space, how can I get out of here? _

But it felt like his brain was short-circuiting, he was frozen in his spot and trapped between the wall and the person. 

_ Maybe it will stop. Maybe he’ll leave. _

But that was quickly proven wrong when the hand on his hair started to move down his neck, onto his side and continued to go lower. 

Zuko’s eyes snapped open and didn’t hesitate in striking. He reared his head back and slammed it into the face leaning over him as hard as he could. There was a loud crack and a howl of pain. 

Stars filled Zuko’s vision from the impact, but he didn’t give them time to clear before he blindly reached out and shoved. Another cry and a crash. Zuko leapt off the bed, grabbed his bag and rushed for the cab door as fast as he could, which wasn’t very fast given the tight quarters. 

“Get back here!” Miles shouted, but Zuko had already reached the door and swung it open. He jumped out, rolling to his feet when he hit the ground. He thanked Ty Lee for giving him impromptu parkour classes and took off. 

Looking around him as he ran, Zuko discovered that he was in a dimly lit parking lot, but that there was a large street across the way. There weren’t many cars on it, but there was what looked like a park on the other side. He sprinted as fast as he could, not bothering to look back to see if Miles was chasing him. 

He ran across the street and a car honked at him loudly, but he kept going. He made it to the edge of the park and risked a look back. 

No one was following him, but he didn’t take any chances and stumbled deeper into the park. Sweat dripped in his eyes and he furiously swiped it away with a shaking hand. After taking twists and turns in the dark to try and confuse anyone who might follow him, he found a small bridge with a nook underneath it. At this point, his chest was heaving, either from the adrenalin or the exertion or both. 

His legs felt like jelly and he practically had to crawl to get under the bridge. Zuko tried to quiet his breathing so that he would be able to hear if anyone approached. He stayed tense and ready to bolt for what felt like hours before exhaustion won him over and his muscles relaxed. Or, more like gave up; he felt anything but relaxed. 

Bile rose in Zuko’s throat as he thought about the hand on his hair and the heavy breaths in his ear. 

_ Stupid, stupid, stupid! How could I be so stupid? I should’ve found somewhere to stay in Columbus, then this would’ve never happened. _ _ I should’ve never gotten into his truck. _

Zuko realized with a start that he had no idea what city he was in. For all he knew, Miles had actually been going in completely the opposite direction that he said he was. Zuko may very well have gone backwards with all the progress he’d made. The thought of having to start again and get into stranger’s cars again made him want to throw up even more than he already did. 

He stayed crouched under the bridge, the dull light from the street lamps not quite reaching his hiding spot. He had no concept of how much time was passing other than the sky slowly growing lighter and lighter until he could see farther than five feet in front of him. 

Once the sun had fully risen over the horizon, Zuko felt as ready as he was going to be to leave the safety of the bridge. His cramped legs protested and he nearly fell over. He made his way slowly back to the park path, partly to stretch out his legs and partly to make sure that no one was lurking behind any trees. 

He made it back to the edge of the park without any surprises and noticed that all but one of the stores along the street were still closed. He cautiously made his way to the 7/11, checking everywhere to make sure there was no semi-truck parked nearby. He didn’t see any, Miles had probably, hopefully, panicked once Zuko had gotten away and had left. 

The bell over the door chimed when he entered the store and the bored cashier looked up at him with disinterest. Zuko feigned perusing the shelves before he went up to the counter, hoping beyond hope that Miles hadn’t been smart about things. 

“Excuse me,” Zuko said awkwardly, feeling like one of those time travellers who ask a random citizen what year it is, “What city is this?” 

The cashier looked at him like he’d grown two heads. 

“Davenport,” She answered slowly and a rush of relief coursed through his body. 

“Great, thanks.” Chicago was only 2 and a half hours away. But the thought of hitchhiking again was nearly unbearable. Maybe there was another way. “Is there a Greyhound bus station nearby?” 

An hour and a half later, Zuko was on a bus headed for Chicago. He felt weak with relief, he was finally going to reach his destination, everything was going to be okay. 

*******

The bus pulled away from the station in downtown Chicago and Zuko realized that everything was not okay. He’d made it to Chicago, yes, but he was once again in a strange city with no phone and no money. He had no way of knowing where the hell Sokka would be or how to get in touch with him. 

Plagued with indecision, Zuko stayed in the bus station while he racked his brain on what he could do now. Eventually, he grabbed a free map of the city and started looking at it as if he knew where he was going. 

Once again, out of nowhere, a bolt of genius hit him. University! Sokka had moved to Chicago to go to university, which meant that if Zuko went to the university campus, he’d have more of a chance of being able to find him. 

Unfortunately, there appeared to be more than one university in the city.  _ Idiot, why did I think it would be that easy? _ But Zuko eventually decided to go to what looked like the fanciest, biggest one and go from there. Sokka was very smart, he had probably gotten into the best one. Not that being fancy and big made it the best, but it was the best shot Zuko had. 

The University of Chicago actually wasn’t too far away from the bus station. It would take him a while to walk, but it seemed like the universe was pointing signs in its direction. 

Zuko stepped outside the bus station and was immediately chilled by the wind. So far, the weather had cooperated for the most part. It had been not too hot and not too cold, but Zuko realized that as a California boy, he wasn’t prepared for Chicago weather, even if it was still early fall. He was used to blistering hot days, not blustering ones. Oh well, he’d walk fast to keep warm because what else could he do. 

After many wrong turns and about an hour of walking, he’d made it to the college campus. Now to find a needle in a haystack, one particular student in a sea of students. This wasn’t going to be easy. 

*******

Zuko had been wandering the campus for hours, sticking by the science and engineering buildings since he knew that those were subjects Sokka had excelled at in high school. He’d seen face after face, yet none of them were Sokka. 

He’d decided to wash the foundation off from his scar as it was his one major identifiable feature. It was unlikely that he would run into any cops here and if putting his scar on display helped him find Sokka then the risk was worth it. 

The day was winding down around campus as classes were ending and Zuko was starting to get desperate. He was also famished, so he gave in and went to a small coffee shop to spend the last of his money on something to eat. He was standing in line when a voice amidst the hum of the shop stood out to him. 

“—and I said, ‘Did you hear about the company that sells elastomeric insulators? Their motto is ‘Resistance is butyl’.’ Which I think is hilarious, but my prof didn’t even smile!” 

Zuko felt himself turn as if in slow motion, trying to squash down the hope rising in his chest just in case he was wrong. But there, sitting at a table with other students, was Sokka. His shining brown hair was tied up in a high ponytail and he had the same goofy smile on his face that Zuko remembered. He was waving his hands around excitedly while in an animated conversation with the others around the table. 

Zuko’s feet moved on their own accord, stepping out of the line and slowly walking towards the table. 

_ What do I say? Will he even recognize me? Will he remember me?? _

The distance seemed like it took forever to cross, but it felt like too soon that he reached the table. His mouth was as dry as California in the summer and his hands were shaking. 

He opened his mouth to try and say something, but Sokka looked up. An expression of recognition, then surprise flashed over his face. 

“Zuko??” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Zuko has finally found Sokka! Now what will happen ;) 
> 
> You may have noticed that I updated the tags and added a relationship, it will take awhile to get there but I promise I'll try my best :) Hopefully the plot bunny doesn't get away from me. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed, leave a comment if you did, they really fuel my writing and mean a lot to me. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


	5. An extra questions kind of day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko has finally found Sokka, where do they go from here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, happy new year! I hope everyone had a good New Year's Eve, I spent mine writing this lol 
> 
> Thank you to all the comments and kudos that you've been giving me, it really means a lot. I get a massive serotonin boost anytime I get an email from ao3 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

It had been a deceptively ordinary day, in the beginning, Sokka had hauled himself out of bed much earlier than any human should be expected to get up. He maintained that 10 o’clock was when the world should start. None of this bullshit 8:30am classes. 

He’d gone through his regular morning routine, said goodbye to Momo, his roommate’s guide dog and got in his car. Just like every morning, he sent a prayer up to the moon that his shitty car would start. It did, barely, and he was off to class. 

His classes all blurred together, that was part of the problem of having a full schedule, and by the end of the day, he was exhausted. A treat was well deserved and Sokka knew just the place. He pulled out his phone and texted the group chat. 

**Sokka:** _Who wants to have a study party at Cabbage Coffee?_

**Katara:** _Aang and I are down! We’ll meet you there in 10 minutes_

**Toph:** _I’ll beat you there, suckers!_

True to her word, Toph and Momo were the first ones to join Sokka at the table. 

“Oh sweet!” Toph exclaimed, “You got the good table!” She sat down beside Sokka and gave him her standard Toph greeting of punching him in the arm. 

“Only the best for you,” Sokka replied smoothly, ignoring the punch. 

Katara and Aang were only slightly late and as soon as they sat down, Sokka launched into a story of how he’d said a quite brilliant science pun but his prof hadn’t even cracked a smile. 

“I swear that woman is made out of stone,” He moaned, “How am I supposed to get my grades up if I can’t charm her?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Katara said sarcastically, “Maybe you could study?” 

The others laughed as he sputtered in indignation. He was about to retort when he happened to look up. 

There, standing in front of him, was Zuko Seong, his childhood best friend from LA. Sokka almost choked on his spit. He couldn’t lie, Zuko had gotten hot. His hair was much longer than it had been, it was down to just past his shoulders and it had a slight curl at the end. He’d filled out a bit, back in junior high and high school he had always been the scrawniest kid in the grade. The scar covering a quarter of his face was much softer and lighter than the last time Sokka had seen him. 

But underneath that, there were bags under his eyes and he held himself stiffly like he was ready to bolt out of the coffee shop. He had a backpack slung over his shoulder and his right wrist was encased in a cast. 

“Zuko??” Sokka’s mouth flew open. 

“Hey,” Zuko gave an awkward wave, clearly uncomfortable. 

“What’re you doing here?” Sokka could’ve slapped himself in the face, “Not like that, but like, I didn’t know you were in Chicago! Are you visiting? Do you go to school here?”

“I’m…visiting,” He paused, then looked around the table rather anxiously. 

“Oh, sorry,” This time Sokka really did slap himself in the face, “Guys, this is Zuko, we grew up in LA together. Zuko, this is the gang. You know Katara,” She waved, “That’s her boyfriend Aang, and this is my roommate Toph.”

“Don’t forget Momo,” Toph grinned.

“Right, and Momo, Toph’s guide dog.” 

Zuko turned to Toph, a look of surprise on his face, “You’re blind?” 

Toph sighed, “Yes, and yes I know that I don’t look blind, but there isn’t one way to look blind you know.” 

“No no,” He backtracked, his face growing red, “That’s not what I meant. I just meant, well, I’m half blind, in my left eye, so it’s cool. Not like cool cool, but-“

Toph laughed, cutting him off, “It’s all good. Here,” She gestured to the table, “Have a seat.” 

Zuko sat down and an awkward silence hung in the air. 

“So I-“ He began.

“Who are-“ Sokka began at the same time. 

“Sorry, go ahead,” Zuko said, his face going red again. 

“Who are you visiting?” Sokka asked, just wanting to break the awkwardness. 

If possible, Zuko’s face goes even redder. 

“Um,” He laughed awkwardly, “I’m here to see you.” 

“Me?” Sokka was taken aback. Sure, they’d been good friends growing up but they had drifted apart in high school and it had been several years since he’d heard anything from him. “I don’t mean this in a rude way, but why me?”

Zuko looked around the coffee shop nervously, clearly on edge. “Is there somewhere else we can go to talk? Somewhere where there will be no one else around?” 

“Why don’t you go back to your place, Sokka,” Katara pipped up, “You’re done classes for the day anyways. Aang and I can give Toph a ride home.” 

She then shot him a look that said ‘do as I say’. Either that or she was in pain. It was sometimes hard to tell with Katara. 

“Uh,” Sokka stuttered, “Sure. Do you have a car or will you need a ride?” He turned to Zuko. 

“I’ll need a ride, if that’s not too much to ask, if it is then I can take the bus or something,” Zuko stumbled over his words.

Sokka waved him off, “It’s no big deal, I’m headed there anyway, it’s not like it’s out of my way.” He stood and gathered his stuff. “Let’s uh, let’s head out.” 

They walked to Sokka’s parking space, which was too far away for it being a paid spot, in absolute silence. 

_What do I say?? Obviously he’s here for a reason, but why? And why wouldn’t he tell me in the coffee shop?_

“You can throw your backpack in the back,” Sokka said as he unlocked the car, but Zuko kept a tight grip on its straps and settled it between his knees as he sat in the passenger seat. 

Sokka started the car in thick and heavy silence. 

“I’m sorry,” Zuko burst out suddenly, “I shouldn’t have come here, I, I can go. This was a mistake.” He reached for the door handle, but Sokka interjected. The Zuko he knew didn’t do many things without having a very good reason for them, so he was sure that whatever Zuko was doing was important. 

“No, man, it’s okay. We’ll head over to my place, it’s about a 15-minute drive, and then we can figure out what’s happening.” 

Zuko still looked on edge, so Sokka turned on the radio. 

“My car isn’t fancy, it doesn’t have any of the Bluetooth shit, so we’ll have to listen to whatever’s on air.” 

Honestly, Sokka hated listening to the radio, but it was better than the heavy silence that had been filling the car. They pulled out of the parking lot and rattled on towards home. 

*******

“Well,” Sokka swung open the door to the apartment, “Here’s home.” It wasn’t anything fancy, but it was nice enough. There was art on the walls and a couple cozy decor things were tastefully thrown around. Sokka avoided looking at them. 

“It’s a nice place,” Zuko said looking around, still clutching his backpack with his good hand. 

“You can sit on the couch, do you want any water or anything? I have some frozen taquitos I can heat up.” Sokka saw that Zuko was about to decline even though Sokka could tell that he was hungry, so he quickly added, “I’m going to put some in the oven for myself, I didn’t have a very big lunch and I’m starving. I’ll put a couple in for you and if you don’t eat them, I will.” 

Zuko nodded. “Sounds good,” He cleared his throat. 

After putting the food in the oven and washing the only two apples in the house that hadn’t gone bad, Sokka flopped down on the couch beside Zuko, noticing how he subtly tensed up when Sokka was close to him. So Sokka sprawled himself out on the other end of the couch with a show of stretching. 

“So,” He broke the silence beginning to form, “What’s up?”

“Have you seen the news recently?” Zuko asked, and at Sokka’s shake of his head, continued, “My d-Ozai has been arrested for suspicion of corruption.” 

“Oh shit,” Sokka sat up straight. 

“There was a leak, they have a bunch of files and documents that prove that he was involved in some really sketchy shit and it’s highly likely that he’ll go to jail.” 

Sokka had never liked Ozai, in fact, he hated the man, but he wasn’t sure where Zuko stood on it. He was looking pretty torn up. So Sokka decided to tread carefully. 

“Shit dude, I’m sorry.” 

Zuko’s face twisted into a sad, wry smile, “Don’t be. I’m the one that leaked the documents.” 

Booming silence radiated between the two before Sokka found the words to speak. 

“Wow, um, what all happened?” 

“I don’t know,” Zuko admitted, “I guess I was tired of knowing that he was a dirty cop and not doing anything about it. So I just decided to find evidence and leak it. I got access to his laptop and copied as much as I could. I had almost gotten away when he caught me.” 

“He being Ozai?” 

Zuko nodded, a slight flash of fear coursed over his face. “I thought he was going to kill me. He tried to grab the stuff from me and almost twisted my arm off-“

“That’s why it’s in a cast,” Sokka stated quietly, trying to hide his rising anger. 

“Yeah. Then he grabbed me by the throat and almost strangled me.”

Sokka’s eyes travelled to Zuko’s neck, where dark bruising was peaking out above the neckline of his hoodie. His anger erupted within him, but he kept his outer appearance calm. He knew that Zuko would not take well to him getting angry. 

“Then I kneed him in the nuts and took off.” Zuko continued, almost in a monotone voice, “I drove to Phoenix and then ended up hitchhiking to here. You’re the only person that I could think of to help me,” He turned his golden-amber eyes towards Sokka, pleading with him silently, “I don’t have anyone else who can help me.” 

“Of course I can help you,” Sokka found himself saying before he even fully thought it over, “You can stay here, you’ll have to sleep on the couch, but it’s a pull-out couch so it won’t be too bad.” 

Sokka could see Zuko’s body relax with relief as he surreptitiously swiped at his eyes. 

“Thanks,” Zuko sighed, “I really owe you.” 

“No problem, wait, you said you hitchhiked here? All the way from Phoenix??” Sokka was aghast. “That’s like across the country! How long did it take you?” 

“About three days, give or take.” 

Sokka shook his head, “Jesus, man, I’m sorry. Why didn’t you fly?”

“Too easy to track,” Zuko shrugged, “The evidence I released not only incriminates Ozai but several other city’s police officials. And those officials have a lot of people in and out of the force to do their dirty work. If they’d caught me I would’ve been as good as dead.” 

“So no one else knows where you are?” 

Zuko shook his head, “People have put together that my ‘disappearance’ correlates with the files being leaked, but no one knows where I am. And I need to keep it that way.” 

“Yeah, of course,” Sokka couldn’t believe the amount of pressure Zuko must be feeling. Now that he could take a good look at him, he saw the extent of the deep circles around his eyes, the tenseness that he held in his body and how he seemed like a frightened rabbit. It was painfully obvious that these past couple of years had not been kind to Zuko. 

_Not that they’ve been kind to many people_. Sokka’s thoughts snarked bitterly, but he pushed them aside. 

“You live with Toph, right?” Zuko said suddenly, “Will she mind me staying here? I could get a hotel or something instead.”

Sokka highly doubted that Zuko had enough money for a long hotel stay, let alone money for one night. 

“Nah, she’ll be fine. Aang camped out with us for a couple of months awhile back, all you need to do is follow her rules and you’ll be good.”

“Her rules?” 

“Yeah, like things staying in the same place, keeping the space clean and not letting things pile up on the floor. Stuff that helps her get around easily.” 

Zuko nodded, seeming to relax a tad. “I can do that, I’m a fairly neat person.” 

“Great. Um,” Sokka stood up, “I’ll go grab the food and I’ll text her that you’ll be staying with us for a while.” 

He left Zuko on the couch, berating himself the whole time. 

_What were you thinking Sokka? I barely know him anymore, he could be lying about his dad to get your sympathy!_

But then he thought back to the interactions he’d seen Zuko have with his father and he didn’t doubt that Zuko was telling the truth. Sokka pulled out his phone, bracing himself for the ensuing conversation. He’d told Zuko a half-lie. Toph would be fine with it, eventually, but her initial reaction would probably be a bit over the top. 

**Sokka:** _Just letting you know, Zuko will be living with us for a bit. I don’t know how long, but something is going on with his dad and he needs a place to crash._

He sent it and braced himself for a full-on screaming text message. 

**Toph:** _Okay, sounds good. Ask him if he can cook._

Sokka stared at his phone. _That’s it?_ _When Aang stayed over she pitched a fit that having someone else in the house would throw her off and mess everything up._

**Sokka:** _That’s it? You’re not upset that I agreed to let him stay without asking you first?_

**Toph:** _Oh I am, but I got the vibe that he really needs our help. If he can cook, you’re good. If not, you’ll be on bathroom cleaning duty until he leaves._

“Hey Zuko,” Sokka called to the living room, “Toph is wondering if you can cook.” 

“Um, yeah, I guess. I’m not amazing but I can cook.” Sokka could just imagine Zuko’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. 

“Great, that’s better than both me and Toph combined.” He wasn’t lying when he said that. Individually, he and Toph would do take out every meal, but combined, they were able to save money by upgrading to frozen foods and sometimes vegetables. Sokka didn’t think that their pots had been used for anything other than mac and cheese since they’d gotten them at the thrift store. 

He took the taquitos out of the oven and dumped them onto a plate, being careful not to burn his fingers. He carried them into the living room to find Zuko flipping through the photo album Sokka kept on the coffee table. His heart wrenched as he caught a glimpse of the pictures, it felt like he was stabbed. 

“Is this your girlfriend?” Zuko asked innocently, looking up from the picture of Sokka and Yue playing in the snow last winter. 

“Was,” Sokka said tight-lipped, not trusting his voice to say anything else. 

Zuko’s eyes widened with horror, “Shit dude, I’m so sorry.”

Sokka tried a shrug to punctuate his, “It’s okay, you didn’t know.” Then, he had to clarify, “She died. From cancer. We didn’t break up.” For some reason, he needed Zuko to know that Yue would never have left him purposefully. She loved him and they had been planning to spend the rest of their lives together. 

A horrible silence filled the air as Zuko quickly closed the photo album and put it back where he found it. 

“Are those the taquitos?” His voice squeaked slightly. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Sokka had forgotten about them, “Help yourself. I’m going to get a glass of water, do you want one?” 

Without waiting for Zuko’s answer, Sokka turned and fled to the kitchen. 

_Deep breaths. In for four, hold for six and out for eight. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. It’s almost been a year since she died, I need to get it together!_

After several attempts at the deep breathing exercise his therapist had given him, Sokka finally felt put together enough to face Zuko again. He first grabbed two cups and filled them with water, not knowing if Zuko had actually answered his question or not. 

“I couldn’t remember if you said you wanted water so I just got some for you any-“ Sokka cut off as he stepped into the living room. 

Zuko was slumped over on the couch, eyes closed and face relaxed, his chest moving rhythmically. He was fast asleep. 

Sokka set the water down on the coffee table, next to the taquitos, which he saw that Zuko had at least eaten a couple of them before falling asleep. He stood there awkwardly for a second, not quite knowing what to do, but eventually settled on gently covering Zuko’s sleeping form in a blanket and turning off the overhead lights. 

He texted Toph to tell her to come in as quietly as possible, as opposed to her obnoxiously loud self. He had a feeling that Zuko really needed this sleep. 

*******

Sokka knew that Toph liked Zuko by the way she actually came in quietly. She carefully closed the door, which was known to slam and rattle the windows. She made her way to Sokka’s room with Momo in tow and closed his door. 

“So, what’s up?” She asked, leaping onto his bed. “Now we have a random boy sleeping in our living room?”

“He’s not some random boy,” Sokka felt the need to defend him, “He’s Zuko! I grew up with him.” 

“Well, I’ve never heard you mention him before.” 

“We grew apart in high school, he kinda, stopped talking to me.” 

Toph shot him a look. 

“He stopped talking to everyone, to be fair to him. One day in the summer then he just stopped talking to me and then he didn’t come back to school until halfway through the year. Everyone knew it had something to do with his scar, but he never told anyone.” Sokka explained. 

“Wait, his scar?” Toph tilted her head.

“Uh, yeah,” Sokka didn’t know how comfortable Zuko would be with him sharing this, but then again, it wasn’t something Zuko could hide from anyone else, “He has a big scar on the left side of his face around his eye.”

“So that’s why he’s blind in that eye,” Toph nodded understandingly. 

“Yeah, I guess so. I didn’t even know that he was blind in his eye, but given how bad the scar is, it actually doesn’t surprise me.” 

Toph stilled, “How bad is it? Do you know what happened?” 

Sokka shook his head, “No one does, he never talked about it. Once he came back he barely talked even to the teachers. I found out by snooping around a bit that he was living with his uncle for a couple of years, but I guess he moved back with his dad. And Azula,” A shiver ran through his body. 

“Azula? Who’s Azula?” 

“Zuko’s younger sister. She’s…let’s just say she has some issues.” He continued at Toph’s nudge, “Like when we were younger then both Katara and I would go over to their house to have a playdate and Katara always ended up crying because Azula would say something mean or behead one of her dolls.” 

“Yikes.” 

“Yeah, eventually Katara stopped coming with me and Zuko and I steered clear of Azula. It seemed like Zuko was afraid of her anyway.” 

“Did you ask him if he could cook?” Toph suddenly changed the subject. 

“Yes, of course, who do you think I am, some kind of forgetful person? Don’t answer that.” Sokka said quickly before Toph could get a word in, “And he said that he can. Nothing amazing, he said, but I have a feeling he’s actually pretty good.” 

“Wonderful,” Toph practically cackled, rubbing her hands together, “No more eating frozen pizza and taquitos.” 

“What’s wrong with frozen pizza and taquitos??” Sokka asked, affronted, “I’ll have you know that my skill of preheating an oven and putting something in for 20 minutes is not to be passed over lightly. I put my blood, sweat and tears into every dish I make for you.” 

Toph laughed, “Yeah sure, Snoozles.” 

“That was one time!” Sokka protested as she jumped off his bed and made her way to the door. “I complained that you and Aang were keeping me up with your Super Smash Bros one time!” 

“One time is all it takes!” She replied in a sing-song voice, closing the door behind her. 

Sokka sighed, flopping back on his multitude of pillows. He had never liked sleeping with lots of pillows before, but after Yue, the bed seemed too empty with only him in it. So one day he’d gone out and bought enough pillows to build a fort and stacked them all on his bed. It at least made him feel less lonely, even though he was really just as lonely as ever. 

Shaking the overwhelmingly sad thoughts from his head, he decided to do his favourite thing in the world…homework. Yay. Calculus, such fun. 

_Why did I go into Engineering again?_

Sokka sighed and pulled out his massive textbook. For all that he moaned and groaned about it, he actually didn’t mind calculus. He knew what he needed to do to solve the problem and it was predictable and under his control. It was soothing in some odd way. He tended to do extra questions when he was upset. And today was an extra questions kind of day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the chapter folks! I already have the next chapter mostly written, so it should be up in a couple of days. This is the most I've written in about five years and it feels great to finally have motive to write! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed, leave me a kudos or a comment letting me know what you thought! 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading :)


	6. A family of their own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko POV - he wakes up in Sokka's apartment and somehow ends up teaching Aang how to cook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not super happy with this chapter, it just wasn't working for me, but hopefully it's not too bad. 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone that left a comment on the last chapter! 
> 
> I'll be going back to work in a couple of days, so that may mean that the updates will slow a bit, but I'm hoping that I'll still be able to get chapters out in a reasonable amount of time :)

Zuko came to with a gasp and sat straight up, a warm blanket falling off of his shoulders. 

_Where am I?_ He wondered, rubbing his eyes. The sun was streaming in through the windows in front of him and he looked down to see that he’d been sleeping curled up on a couch. And not very comfortably, it appeared, as he untwisted his body with twinges of pain. 

He looked around, then remembered where he was. He’d made it to Chicago, he’d found Sokka and now he was in Sokka’s apartment.

_Oh yeah, and I absolutely fucked up by asking Sokka about his dead girlfriend._

He could’ve slapped himself right then and there, but it turned out he didn’t need to because his face was met with a very sloppy, wet tongue. 

“Momo!” Sokka’s roommate, Toph, Zuko thought her name was, called out, “I know you’re excited, but leave him alone.” 

Momo the dog didn’t listen and instead excitedly wiggled around Zuko, sniffing at him. 

“Sorry about him,” Toph walked up to the couch, “Whenever he’s out of his harness he goes into play mode.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Zuko pet Momo’s soft black and white fur, “I love dogs.” 

“Good,” She said wryly, “Because I wasn’t about to get rid of him so that you could stay here.” Then she laughed, “Don’t worry, I was only joking. Come Momo,” She called, “Time for breakfast!” 

This time Momo followed. 

Then Sokka walked out of the kitchen and Zuko noticed how his hair was distractingly messy, no longer pulled back in a ponytail and instead hanging freely around his face. 

“We have instant oatmeal and cereal,” Sokka was saying, “Help yourself, they’re in the cabinet to the right of the fridge.”

“Thanks,” Zuko stood, now definitely feeling the consequences of sleeping like a pretzel. He walked into the kitchen, which he hadn’t seen yesterday due to his impromptu sleep. It was fairly small and well-loved, but it was clean and cozy. 

After he’d helped himself to breakfast, Zuko re-entered the living room, unsure of what to do with himself. He was essentially in a stranger’s house and he didn’t know what he should or shouldn’t be doing. 

“The bathroom is down the hall to the right,” Sokka walked in on him standing uselessly in the middle of the room, “Toph’s room is the one beside the bathroom and mine is at the end of the hall. I have to go to class, you can just chill here and watch Netflix or something. We can talk about the details of you staying here when I get back, sound good?” 

“Uh, yeah,” Zuko nodded. 

“Sweet. Sorry to dash out like this, but I slept in again, so I really need to get going,” Sokka sounded apologetic as he put on his coat. 

“Don’t worry,” Toph spoke up from the kitchen, “I don’t have any classes today, I’ll keep an eye on him. I’ll make sure he doesn’t steal our very precious belongings and take off.” 

“Hahaha,” Sokka said dryly, “You’re a comedian Toph.” Then he turned to Zuko, “She doesn’t mean it, she just likes to crack jokes.” 

“No worries,” Zuko said, a bit lost with the dynamic of the room. 

With that, Sokka shut the door to the apartment, leaving just him and Toph. He rubbed the back of his neck. It appeared that awkward silence was getting to be the norm around him. 

“So,” Toph walked past him and flopped down on the couch, “Tell me a bit about yourself.” 

“Uh…”

Toph laughed, then pat the couch beside her, “C’mon, sit down, I don’t bite. At least not most of the time.”

He sat down stiffly, unsure what to do about this girl that was sprawled over 3/4 of the couch. 

“Tell me about yourself,” Toph asked again. 

“What do you want to know?”

“Hm…let’s start with what do you look like?” She said as Momo clambered onto the couch with them, making it a very squishy place to be. 

“I’m Korean-Japanese,” He began a bit awkwardly, “I have black hair that’s currently at my shoulders, which is the longest it’s ever been. I have,” He trailed off, not used to having to describe himself to people. His scar was his most identifiable feature but he’d never had to describe it to anyone before, “I have a scar that covers part of my face.”

Toph doesn’t react other than a slight nod, so he continued. 

“It’s on the left, around my eye and it goes back into my hair. It’s not new or anything, I’ve had it for a while,” Zuko cleared his throat, “Um, I have amber eyes, some say that they’re gold, but I don’t know if I believe them. And that’s about it,” He trailed off. 

She scoffed, “I’m sure there’s more to your appearance than that, I’m sure you’re dashingly handsome or a prince in disguise.”

Zuko laughed, some of the tension releasing from his shoulders, “Trust me, I’m the farthest thing away from a prince.” 

“You never know,” She shrugged, “Maybe you’re a secret prince.”

“So secret even I don’t know?” He asked amusedly. 

“Maybe it’s to protect you, if you find out that you’re a prince then your magical aura will grow stronger and it will be impossible to hide,” Toph grinned widely.

Zuko scoffed. 

“Anyways,” She continued, “What’s your favourite colour?” 

“Red,” He answered immediately. “What’s yours?” Then mentally slapped himself across the face. 

_She’s blind you idiot!_

But Toph just laughed, “I’m told that I look good in green, but I wouldn’t really know.” 

Before Zuko could stop himself he asked, “Can you see anything at all?” 

“Nope!” She said cheerily, “I was born premature and developed ‘retinopathy of prematurity’.” She rattled off the name, “It’s when the blood vessels in the eye leak or bleed, and then it permanently scars or detaches the retina. I can’t see a thing, but I’m happy with that. From what I’ve heard, I feel like seeing everything would be too overwhelming.” 

Zuko was surprised. When he had lost the majority of his vision in his left eye, he’d been upset about it for years. To be perfectly honest, he was still upset about it. But then again, Toph had never experienced life with sight. Being blind was her normal, it made sense that she didn’t want to change that. 

“What’s life like being half blind?” Toph asked him curiously.

“It took some getting used to,” Zuko found himself admitting. Usually, he never talked about his disability, “Especially because I wasn’t born being blind in that eye. For the first couple of years after the…accident, I was super clumsy because I didn’t have any depth perception anymore. I’m better at it now, but it’s still pretty difficult sometimes. It’s hard to pour things, like for example, pouring water from a jug into a cup, so I usually end up resting the jug on the lip of the cup. I lost my sight before I started to learn how to drive, so I didn’t have to relearn that, but it was very terrifying to learn. I’m also partially deaf in my left ear,” He added.

“Is that from the accident as well?” 

“Yeah,” He nodded, “It’s not as bad as my eye, I can still hear most things, but it’s hard to tell where sounds are coming from sometimes. And when I’m in a noisy place it’s a lot harder to hear what’s going on. My eye and my ear combined made gym class in high school my worst nightmare,” He forced a bit of a laugh. He hated talking about high school. Those years had been the most miserable years of his life. 

Toph must’ve sensed that he was uncomfortable because she switched the subject. 

“What’s your favourite food?” 

“Chicken fingers and fries. Yours?” 

They ended up trading ‘ice-breaker’ questions for about an hour until they got to the questions that Zuko had been dreading. 

“Why’d you run away from home?” Toph asked, then clarified, “Sokka told me a little bit, but not much.”

“My dad...Ozai..he’s not a good person,” He began hesitantly, “He is, or at least was, the Chief of Police of the LAPD and he was doing a lot of messed up stuff.”

At Toph’s encouraging nod, he continued, “I’d known about it for a while, it was hard not to when there were mob bosses and high ranking gang members coming in and out of the house. And,” Zuko hesitated. He’d never told anyone this before, but for some reason, he felt comfortable telling Toph, “And he also made me run a few jobs for him every once and awhile. More often when I was younger, because people often overlook young kids. 

And I just got tired of it. I got tired of knowing that he was messing up people’s lives with blackmail and extortion and doing nothing about it. So I got onto his laptop and copied as much evidence as I could find and then took off.” 

She nodded, an understanding look crossing over her face, “I’m technically a runaway too,” She revealed. 

“Wait, you are??”

“Yeah, my parents and I never got along. They always wanted to baby me,” Her face twisted in disgust, “I was their ‘poor little blind girl’. They never wanted me to go to college, they hired private tutors instead and never let me leave the house. So one day I just took off. I was done being their precious, helpless baby.” 

Looking at Toph, it was easy for him to see that she was anything but helpless. 

He was about to tell her this when a loud buzzing sound made him leap off the couch, startling Momo who had been resting his head on Zuko’s lap. 

“Sorry about that,” Toph apologized, “I invited Aang and Katara over and they have to buzz into the apartment building. I hope you don’t mind that I invited them, if you do then I can tell them to come back another time.” 

“No, it’s okay,” Zuko said over the pounding of his heart, “I don’t mind.” That was a lie, he did mind a bit, but it wasn’t his apartment so he really had no grounds for saying so. 

Within minutes Zuko was surrounded with snacks that Aang and Katara had brought and was sitting on the couch while the others chatted around him. 

Certainly not for the first time, not even for the fifth time since he’d found Sokka, Zuko found himself wondering why he’d even come here. 

_What am I doing? I don’t have any place here, I’m obviously intruding. Why did I come here? Why did I think that this would be a good idea?_

“Hey Zuko,” Aang’s clear voice broke him out of his thoughts, “I hear that you cook!”

“Uh, yeah, I guess,” Zuko rubbed the back of his neck, “I’m not amazing at it though.”

“Do you think you could teach me? Katara always says that I’m too frustrating for her to teach.” He asked excitedly as if he hadn’t heard Zuko. 

“Sure?” 

And that was how Zuko found himself in the kitchen, trying to teach an excitable 18-year-old how to cook. _Lord help me._

As it turned out, Aang was a great listener and caught on very quickly. Zuko was very limited by the selection of food Sokka and Toph seemed to keep, _I’ll have to fix that._ But he was able to start from the basics. And the basics for Aang were the basics of the basics. 

“To crack an egg you want to hit it gently against a flat surface like the counter,” Zuko demonstrated, “If you do it on the edge of something it’s more likely that you’ll get pieces of shell in your yolk.” 

“Like this?” Aang tapped his egg ever so gently against the counter. 

“A bit harder,” Zuko regretted saying those words as soon as he saw Aang slam the egg down on the counter. “Not that hard,” He wiped bits of yolk and shell off of his hand. 

“Sorry,” Aang looked sheepish, “I really know nothing about cooking. They don’t teach you it in foster care.” 

“You were in foster care?” 

Aang nodded, “My parents were killed in a car crash when I was ten and we had no other family, so I got put in foster care.”

For years, foster care was something that Ozai held over his head whenever Zuko voiced his contempt for Ozai’s actions. 

_“You could report me, but then you’d go into foster care,”_ Ozai would say with a gleam in his eyes, _“You don’t have your mother around to take care of you. Do you know what happens to weak little boys like you?”_

And then he would go into detail of the last gruesome case he’d worked where some innocent foster kid had been murdered or thrown into sex trafficking. Zuko would have nightmares of being put in foster care and murderous people chasing after him with bloody knives. 

“My mom died when I was five,” Zuko didn’t know what else to say, “I don’t remember her very much. I remember her smile and that she was kind, but that’s about it.” 

He didn’t want to share the few hazy memories he had of her. She would take him to the duck pond and they would scatter peas for the ducks. She would tuck him into bed with a kiss and a whispered, ‘I love you’. He’d loved her attention, he would pick dandelions that he found in the park for her, ruining more than a few shirts. Then one day, she was gone. 

“My parents were hippies,” Aang was saying, “They were all about the natural lifestyle. We lived out in the mountains and we would go pick berries every day that we could. Then they would work together and make fresh berry jam.” He sighed, a wistful look on his face, “I wish that I could have that jam again.” 

Zuko surprised himself by saying “I could teach you how to make your own jam. It wouldn’t be exactly the same,” He rushed to continue, “But it could be fun.”

Aang’s face lit up, “That would be great!” 

A surprised _oomph_ left Zuko’s mouth as Aang enveloped him in a tight hug. 

“Thank you, Zuko.” 

_Now I need to learn how to make jam. Great._

*******

They didn’t end up making jam that afternoon, regardless of how anxious Aang was to get started, but they did cover some of the basics of cooking. Zuko was impressed with how far Aang had come in one short session. Especially given that when he’d been asked what Aang knew how to do, his one answer had been ‘boil water’. 

They were just finishing cleaning up the kitchen because although Aang had learned a lot, he hadn’t learned how to do it cleanly when Sokka walked in. Zuko felt his heart skip a beat before he managed to get a hold of himself. 

“How was class?” Aang asked.

“Oh, you know,” Sokka flopped down at the table in the corner, “Same old blah blah blah. Science-y.” 

“Are you in science?” Zuko asked curiously.

“Engineering, actually, although you wouldn’t really know if from most of the classes I’m in,” Sokka said rather bitterly, “I just want to get to designing stuff already!” 

“Are you in college, Zuko?” Aang spoke up over the sound of the sink tap running. 

“No,” Zuko replied a bit shamefully, “I want to go, but it just hasn’t worked out yet.” 

“There’s no shame in that. Not everyone can go into college right away,” Sokka bit into an apple, then spit it out, “Yech! I forgot that all the apples we have went bad. Anyways,” He continued, chucking the apple in the garbage, “The only reason I’ve been able to go to college is because I got lucky with a bunch of scholarships. If I hadn’t gotten them then I would’ve had to work for a couple more years.” 

Sokka was right, but money wasn’t the reason why he hadn’t gone to college yet. Money was not an issue for the Seong household, Ozai would’ve been happy to pay for Zuko to go to college. If he had gone into something like criminology. But Zuko didn’t want to go into criminology. He didn’t want to end up like Ozai. It had been the source of many fights between the two of them. 

“…have to work for years before I can get enough money,” Zuko tuned back into the conversation as Aang was moaning, “Working at a tea shop only gets you so much.” 

Sokka stood and clapped Aang on the back, “You’ll get there. Besides, you’ll probably get some scholarships due to your sad orphan story.”

Zuko flinched, but Aang just laughed, “You’re probably right.” 

They finished tidying up the kitchen and headed into the living room where Toph and Katara were bickering about something. 

“Of course you would say that Sugar Queen,” Toph bit out and Zuko had to hold back his flinch, “All you can think of is you, you, you!”

Katara looked like she was about to retort back when Sokka interrupted. 

“Woah woah woah! What is going on here??”

Toph spun to face Sokka. “Sugar Queen over here wants to order McDonald’s for supper when she knows I get sick when I eat beef and I don’t like McDonald’s chicken options!”

There was a slight pause, then Sokka sighed, “This again? I thought that we’d settled on ordering burgers from A&W instead of McDonald’s.” 

Zuko looked around the room, feeling rather lost. _That was it? That’s what the argument was about?_

“Fine,” Katara conceded with a huff, “We’ll order A&W.”

“Good,” Aang walked over to give Katara a little squeeze, “Because I don’t like the McDonald’s vegetarian options anyway.” 

And just with that, the room was diffused. The four friends were laughing and joking, with the occasional pillow being chucked around mixed in there. Zuko felt almost, happy. He didn’t understand the inside jokes, but it felt safe and warm here and he smiled as he watched this little family interact. 

_Maybe one day I’ll have one of my own._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not jazzed about the ending of this, but I was stuck. Also, it was supposed to be a chapter with Zuko and Sokka interacting, but Toph butted in and took over. Hopefully the next chapter we'll see Zuko and Sokka interact more :)
> 
> Leave a kudos or a comment if you enjoyed!


	7. Weighted Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sokka POV - Zuko and Sokka end up sitting down and chatting about what the future holds and end up reminiscing on the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm so sorry it's taken me awhile to update, as soon as I went back to work all of my extra energy was zapped. But hopefully I'll get back into the swing of writing again and I'll be able to write at least on the weekend. 
> 
> Slight trigger warning for this chapter, there's mentions of wanting to die in the past, but it doesn't go any farther than that. 
> 
> I hope that you all enjoy and thank you to everyone who left a comment on the last chapter :)

Eventually, Aang and Katara left and Toph headed to her room to study, leaving Sokka and Zuko alone to talk out the details of him staying with them. 

“I don’t have any money,” Zuko confirmed what Sokka had been thinking, “I mean, I technically do, but there’s no way of me accessing it without Ozai finding out where I am. I’ll figure my way around that eventually, but for now, I have no way of paying you back for food and rent and stuff.”

As much as Sokka wanted to help Zuko, he wasn’t exactly flush with money at the moment, so he had been worrying about how he and Toph could support another person. 

“I could try looking for a job,” Zuko continued, “But I don’t know how much identification is required for most places.” 

“Hmm yeah, that could bring up some issues,” Sokka mused, then hesitated, “Are you sure that no one can know where you are? What if they need you to testify or something?” 

Zuko immediately shook his head, something akin to fear sparking in his eyes, “No. I’m done dealing with Ozai and his problems. They should have enough evidence to put him away without my testimony.” 

Sokka could see that this was a touchy subject, so he dropped it for now. 

“How about we take this week by week, see if we can find you a job somewhere and go from there?” It wasn’t perfect, he wished that he could’ve been able to help Zuko with no strings attached, but that just wasn’t feasible. 

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Zuko’s voice sounded slightly defeated like he’d expected this not to work out for long. Sokka hated that he sounded so resigned to whatever he believed his fate was. 

“Hey, remember when we snuck into that public pool when we were kids?” Sokka switched the subject hoping to bring up some good memories. 

It was a success, as Zuko’s mouth quirked upwards in a small smile, “Yeah, and who’s dumb idea was that?” 

Sokka sputtered, “If I recall correctly, it was a joint decision!”

“Yeah, sure, Mr. Plan Guy,” Zuko’s golden eyes flashed at him amusedly, “I remember feeling quite coerced into the decision.”

“Well you still agreed to it, so it was a joint decision.”

“A decision I made under duress!” His lips were shaped into a perfect smile that lit up his face and Sokka felt the sudden urge to lean over and place a kiss on them. 

_Where did that come from? What is wrong with me?_ He shook the thought out of his head. 

“Well regardless, we had a good time. You can’t deny that,” Sokka shot back.

“Yeah, until we were caught.”

He waved it off, “Minor detail.”

Zuko snorted, “Yeah sure. As I recall, we were put on community service for it. Remember? We had to go pick up trash from the park for three weeks.” 

“Unofficial! Unofficial community service. And that’s only because your dad’s a co-,” Sokka cut off as Zuko’s smile faltered. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned him.” And just like that, the jovial atmosphere of the room was dampened. 

“It’s all good,” He gave a strained smile that didn’t reach his eyes, “It’s not like I can completely avoid all mention of him.” 

A heavy silence settled in the room and Zuko’s face looked sad and weary like he had lived too many lives and remembered too much of them. 

“What did he do to you?” The quiet words sprung out of Sokka’s mouth before he could stop them. He clapped a hand over his mouth, but it was too late. 

Zuko flinched, his face becoming shuttered and guarded. 

“Shit dude,” Sokka floundered, “I didn’t mean it, you don’t have to answer. I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” Zuko said when it was clearly not okay, his gaze fixated on the rug at his feet, “I ghosted you when we were kids, then showed up out of nowhere years later and asked to mooch off of you, I owe you an explanation.” 

“Woah woah,” Sokka couldn’t believe what he was hearing, “You do not _owe_ me an explanation on anything. That is your story to tell, whenever or if ever you want to tell it. You don’t _have_ to tell it to anyone if you don’t want to.” Zuko looked like he was about to protest, so he continued, emphasizing his words, “I mean it. No one should make you feel guilt-tripped into sharing something you don’t want to.”

Zuko sat silent for a bit, picking at his cast, then looked up to meet Sokka’s gaze, “Thank you,” He said so quietly Sokka could barely hear it. 

Silence stretched out again, but this time it was a tad more comfortable. Zuko sighed quietly, pushing his long hair out of his face. Sokka couldn’t help but notice how gorgeous his eyes were as they stood out from his pale skin and dark hair. 

_Get yourself together! I can’t be attracted to him, for one, he probably doesn’t even like guys and two, I can’t do that again. I just can’t._

“I met Yue in senior year,” Sokka broke the silence, not knowing why he had decided to talk about her. 

Zuko’s eyes widened with surprise, but he covered it well, “I didn’t know that she went to our high school.” His voice was quiet and tentative like he was treading lightly on the subject,

“She didn’t,” He turned his gaze up to the ceiling so that he wouldn’t have to look at Zuko, “I met her at science camp if you can believe it. Of all the places to meet someone and it was at one of the nerdiest and most unattractive places you can imagine.” 

“I don’t think it’s _that_ unattractive,” Zuko muttered quietly, but Sokka pretended as if he didn’t hear him, while also pretending that a thrill didn’t shoot through him. 

_Zuko didn’t mean it in an ‘I find you attractive’ sort of way. He just meant that being a nerd is attractive. And I’m a nerd. Shit. Ignore it, just continue with the story._

“We were both going to college in Chicago and we just hit it off. Soon enough we were dating and then when it came time to move, it just made sense to move in together. Toph joined too, Yue’s and my parents felt more comfortable with that. And everything was going perfectly,” Unbidden tears sprang to his eyes, “I…I was going to propose.” 

He didn’t know why he’d just said that, he hadn’t told anyone other than Yue. She had just been diagnosed with leukemia and didn’t have a good prognosis. She’d smiled sadly at him, their faces almost touching as they lay under the covers of their bed. 

_“If things don’t go well,”_ She’d said, _“I don’t want you to feel obligated to be alone.”_ She’d laid her hand on his cheek, brushing away the tears, _“I don’t want you to be alone.”_

It had been the source of a couple of fights throughout her treatment. During one of them, Yue had broken down into tears and collapsed on the kitchen floor, her frail body looking so small. 

_“I want you to feel free. I don’t want you to punish yourself by tying yourself to me forever because I know that you would.”_ Tears had streamed down her thin face, _“Please promise me that you’ll keep going and not live in the past.”_

At the time he’d promised and then hadn’t brought the subject up again until the last day. 

_“Last chance Princess,”_ He’d choked through the tears, stroking her cheek, but she just smiled sadly, having lost the energy to speak. 

He’d never told anyone that, not even Toph. So why was he telling Zuko?? 

Zuko didn’t say anything, but Sokka felt as though a weight had lifted off his chest. One less weight off of his heavy heart, but it was something at least. 

“After my accident,” Zuko began quietly, “I wanted to die. It just hurt so bad and it felt like it would be easier if I would’ve died. I came close from dying of infection in the beginning, but my uncle said that I was fighting like a dragon,” He laughed wryly, “I didn’t feel like fighting. I just wanted to give up.” 

Pain and sadness were twisting Zuko’s face and Sokka’s eyes couldn’t help but be drawn to the scar. It was pitted and stretched in places and was pink around the edges and then a darker pink surrounding his eye. Sokka had never truly considered how bad of an accident would have to happen to cause a scar that bad. 

“But Uncle wouldn’t let me give up,” Zuko continued, “He would say ‘Sometimes life is like this dark tunnel. You can’t always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you just keep moving you will come to a better place’. He said it so often I got sick of it. I…” He trailed off, “I wasn’t a good person when I was with him. I was angry and I would lash out and he never said it, but I’m sure that I hurt him. I wish I could tell him that I’m sorry.” 

“You were a kid,” Sokka interjected, “You were just a kid and you just had something horrible happen to you, it makes sense that you were angry. I’m sure he understood.” 

Zuko shrugged sadly, “It’s not like I can find him and apologize. After I left him and went back to Ozai, he disappeared. He could be in a completely different country, or he could even be dead and I wouldn’t know.” His voice rose slightly. 

Sokka just wanted to give him a hug, but he didn’t think that it would be well received at this point. 

“Have you tried to find him?”

“No,” Zuko shook his head, “I’m sure that he doesn’t want to be found.” 

“You don’t know that, maybe he’s waiting for you to come looking.”

With that, Zuko looked up, but then quickly deflated again, “I don’t know how I would go looking without Ozai finding out where I am.” 

“We’ll add that to the brainstorm list,” Sokka sent him what he hoped was a reassuring smile, “We’re pretty smart, we’ll figure something out.”

Zuko smiled slightly, “Thanks.” 

Sokka gently nudged him with his shoulder, “What else are friends for?” Then, to lighten the mood, “Remember that time we were five and in my basement and we decided to make it rain by filling cups up with water and we chucked it up onto the ceiling?” 

They stayed up talking well past midnight, steering clear of the heavier subjects and focussing more on the questionable things they did when they were younger. 

Eventually, Sokka could see that Zuko was fading and cut the conversation off by saying that he had lots of homework to do the next day so he should get to sleep. 

He showed Zuko how to set up the pull out couch and then left for his room. Shutting the door, he let out a breath. 

_Why did I tell him those things about Yue? Why do I want to take him and hold him in my arms and tell him that everything is going to be okay?_

Sokka knew that he was bi ever since he was little and when he told his dad that he liked both boys and girls, his dad didn’t make a big deal out of it. He’d sat Sokka down and explained what it meant and that it was normal to have those feelings. But he’d also told him that some people didn’t think that and they would sometimes say mean things. Little Sokka hadn’t thought much of it at the time, but once he got older he saw what Hakoda had meant. 

His past schools had had the standard level of homophobia and while Sokka never tried to hide the fact that he was bi, he never outright told anyone either. No one suspected him of being queer, thanks to their preconceived stereotypes. 

He’d never been ashamed of being bi but had never really had a serious crush on a boy. So why did it have to come up now? And why Zuko? 

_Maybe if I just don’t think about it, it’ll go away._

*******

That proved to be easier said than done, as he walked in on Zuko cooking breakfast in the kitchen, his hair messily tied back in a low bun. He had one of the aprons that Sokka had been gifted but had never used tied around his waist. 

“Good morning,” Zuko said smiling. 

“Oh no,” Sokka moaned, “Are you a morning person? I can’t deal with morning people. They’re too happy about being awake at the worst time of the day.”

“Sorry,” He said wryly, “But I made you pancakes.”

“I take it back,” Sokka straightened, “I love morning people.” He cringed as the ‘L-word’ slipped past his lips, but Zuko didn’t react. 

He just laughed, “You don’t even know if they’re good yet.”

“Any pancake is a good pancake,” Sokka sat down at the small kitchen table, “Actually, that’s a lie. Toph once made pancakes that felt like they were made out of rubber.” He shivered with disgust, “Revolting. Not even the syrup saved them.”

“I’ll have you know, Zuko,” Toph walked in right then, “Sokka did half the work on those pancakes, so he’s half at fault.” 

Sokka flipped her off. 

“Zuko,” Toph said sweetly, “I’ll have Sokka’s pancakes. Because that’s what he gets for flipping off a blind girl.”

Sokka sputtered, “How did you know??”

“Oh Sokka,” She pat his head, “You’re just that predictable.” 

Zuko snickered. 

“Oy!” Sokka pointed at him, “Don’t you go about taking sides now, that’s not fair!” 

“You’re the one that flipped off a blind girl,” He shrugged, “As someone who’s half-blind, I feel it best for me to form an allegiance with my people.” 

“Your people,” Sokka scoffed as Toph reached out to Zuko for a fist bump, “You’re as much my people as you are you people.” Zuko shot him a confused look, “It made sense in my mind, okay? Now give me some pancakes.”

“How do you ask?” The side of his mouth quirked up. 

“Really? We’re really doing this?” He gave Sokka an impassive glance, and Sokka groaned, “Alright, alright. Give me some pancakes, please.” 

“Do you think that’s good enough?” Zuko turned to Toph, amusement sparkling in his eyes. 

“Hmm,” Toph contemplated seriously, “I don’t know, maybe he should ask again.”

“Oh my god,” Sokka groaned, his face in his hands, “What have I gotten myself into?”

“Welcome to hell, bitch,” Toph practically cackles, sitting down beside Sokka. 

He moaned into his hands again, only looking up when Zuko places a plate of pancakes in front of him. 

“You’re forgiven,” Sokka perked up happily, smothering his pancakes in syrup. “These are really good!” He said enthusiastically between bites. 

Zuko laughed and Sokka found himself wanting to do anything in order to hear it again. 

_Get a hold of yourself, Sokka_. _Nothing can happen. Nothing is going to happen._

“We’re going to have to get a third chair again,” Toph said, then caught herself, “I mean-“

A wave of sadness rolled over Sokka and he almost choked on a bite. 

“It’s okay Toph,” He brushed it off with a laugh, hoping that it didn’t sound too forced, “There’s a third person in the house so of course, we’ll need three chairs.” 

Toph thankfully didn’t bring up that the reason that they didn’t have a third chair was that the day after Yue died, Sokka had picked up her chair and had slammed it against the floor until it broke into pieces. Then he’d sat amid the pieces and sobbed. 

“That’s okay,” Zuko said quickly, as if he caught on to the sensitive atmosphere, “I don’t mind standing while eating.” 

“We’ll get you a chair,” Sokka’s smile felt uncomfortably stretched so he quickly stuffed more pancakes into his mouth. 

They all quickly finished eating and then cleaned up the dishes. Normally he and Toph would be lazy and leave the dishes undone until the food on them got all crusty and even more difficult to get off, but Zuko insisted on doing the dishes right away. Sokka had to admit that it was easier to clean them this way. 

“Sokka,” Zuko began rather tentatively and running his hand through his hair, “Could I borrow some clothes and stuff for showering? I didn’t bring many changes of clothes and the only toiletries I packed were a toothbrush, toothpaste and deodorant.”

_Hmm, we’re going to have to fix that. Maybe dad has some extra clothes that would fit him._

“Yeah, for sure. Come to my room and you can pick out some clothes and then I’ll show you how to do the laundry in the basement as well, it can be a bit tricky at times,” Sokka led Zuko to his room and his cheeks heated up with embarrassment as he noticed just how messy it was. 

“Sorry about the mess,” He picked up piles of dirty clothes and chucked them onto the bed. He always used to keep his room clean, but he’d been slacking the last couple of months. He just had too much homework and was too busy. Those were the only reasons. 

_Definitely not because after Yue died everything went to hell and it felt like nothing mattered anymore. Definitely not that._

Sokka dug through his dresser and pulled out some jeans and a soft hoodie.

“Here you go,” He tossed them to Zuko who fumbled to catch them, “If those don’t work then let me know. Oh and feel free to use anything in the shower other than Toph’s face wash. She’s very particular about her face wash. And you don’t want to deal with Toph when she’s angry,” He said very seriously, then laughed. 

“Just kidding. All she’ll do is call you names and maybe punch you in the arm. But seriously, don’t use her face wash.” 

“Don’t use Toph’s face wash,” Zuko repeated, “Got it. How do I know which one is hers?” 

“Oh, you’ll know.” 

With that Zuko was off to the shower and Sokka was left standing in the pigsty that he called his room. 

_Oh god, I can’t believe Zuko saw my room like this. Maybe it’s time for some spring cleaning. In the fall._

So, Sokka dedicated his Saturday morning to the excavation of his bedroom floor and once it was done he didn’t necessarily feel better, but hey, at least he’d accomplished something. Even if all that something was chucking all the floor clothes onto the bed to make them bed clothes. That would be a problem for future Sokka. Present Sokka deserved a break. 

As he was walking out of his room, the door to the bathroom opened and out in a wave of steam walked Zuko, wet hair gleaming, skin glistening. For a second Sokka forgot how to breathe. 

“Sorry,” He apologized as all other thoughts flew from his brain. 

“Sorry for what?” Zuko asked confusedly as he dried his long and luscious hair. 

_Yeah, sorry for what, Sokka? Sorry for being attracted to you? Sorry for staring? Sorry for breathing the same air as you?_

“Uhhh..” Sokka’s brain had stopped working, “Sorry for not telling you about the-the hot water tap. It can be a bit confusing at first, I know that when I first used the shower I had a hard time figuring it out. But it looks like you figured it out. So that’s good,” He rambled.

Zuko smiled and Sokka couldn’t help but notice how one side of his mouth went higher than the other, “Yeah, it was a bit tricky, I hate using new showers for the first time, but I figured it out.” 

“Good, that’s good,” _Stop talking you, idiot!_ “Um, I forgot something in my room, so I’m just gonna,” He turned back, “I’m just gonna go and um, grab it.” 

He practically took off to his room, closed the door and groaned. 

_That could’ve gone better. These are going to be an interesting next few weeks._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: my sibling and I actually did the 'throwing water up at the ceiling so that it rained inside' thing. It left water stains on the ceiling that were there until we redid the basement lol
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, let me know what you thought! Hopefully it won't be more than a couple of weeks until the next chapter is out :)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a very speedy writer, so please bear with me when it comes to updates. I also am more of a 'go with the flow' kinda writer, so I don't exactly know where this story will go. I have an idea, but we'll see what happens along the way. I hope you all enjoyed and that you want to come on this journey with me!


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